This uncertainty
Leaves one wondering, waiting.
Slow or quick — time flies.
T.
Author Archives: Therese
Healing: A Haiku
No ships, buses, trains;
Planes stop flying — quiet reigns.
Nature celebrates.
A blessed Good Friday to all.
T.
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Flying: A Haiku
These thoughts, these wishes —
Unspoken yet deeply felt,
Towards you, they fly.
T.
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Hope and Gratitude
My last post wasn’t very optimistic, so despite my busy schedule, I am determined to write another one just to do my share of encouraging anyone who reads this, to have hope and to always look forward to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel; and more importantly, to cherish this time when you CAN stay at home and prepare your meals and/or sleep in instead of rushing to work without breakfast.
I, too, cherish this time when I can be with my son for a much longer time — we’ve been together since December 23rd when I came home, and then we left for China and stayed there for a little over 2 weeks, and then came back home on the 11th of January. My flight was cancelled three times; I rebooked 3 times. Finally a couple of days ago, I just asked for a refund.
With the “community quarantine” order in our city, classes have been cancelled; malls have been closed; public transportation, suspended. Thankfully, being at home all day has not really affected my 9-year old son that much. He has not gone to school or to his occupational and speech therapies for almost a month now, but simply having all of us at home — me, my two sisters and my 17-year-old nephew — is enough to make him happy. He does speaking, reading and writing activities with my sister, and PE activities with my nephew. Having my sisters and nephew at home allows me to do my online teaching for the university. Though I am way busier now than if I were back in China teaching in a classroom, I am grateful for the time I get to spend with my son and be able to contribute to the progress he makes by reading to him, talking and playing with him.
****************
This is not the first pandemic the world has seen, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. But humanity survived previous pandemics when they did not have as much means to fight the enemy as we do now with advances in science and technology; when they did not have as easy a means to share information as we do now. I don’t think it is a false hope that we will overcome this one.
So believe that things will be better because they will. And in the meantime, focus on the many things you can do while stuck at home — because if you really look, you’ll find there are many tasks just waiting to be done that you have not been able to do because you had to go to work. Now is the time.
May you always find a reason to be hopeful and grateful.
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The Precariousness of Life
This photo was taken exactly a month ago when my family went to a park. Back then we never thought it would be sometime before we could go out for a stroll again. Our city has been under a “community quarantine” for almost three weeks now. My sister, my nephew and my son have not left our house for almost a month now. I get to go out for essentials.
The streets are eerily quiet; most businesses are closed. The streets and the air are much cleaner, but somehow it is not easy to enjoy the quiet and the clean air when you are very much aware of how people who have lost their jobs are suffering and fearing for their future.
These are very uncertain times.
When I left China in early January, I thought I would be back in two weeks. Now, it’s almost three months that I have not seen my husband, and we still do not have any idea when we will see each other again, or when he will see our son again. Sure, technology allows us to talk with each other everyday, but we all know the limits of technology.
Perhaps it will be sometime before our world goes back to normal. Even then, it will probably be a different normal.
The only certainty is: life goes on. Sadly not for everyone; but for humanity as a whole, it goes on and will continue to go on.
Wishing you a peaceful weekend.
T.
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Traveling with a Child with Autism
My son was only 5 months old when we took a 1-hour and 20-minute flight to Manila and then a 2-hour international flight. I don’t remember him ever crying on the plane.
For the next five years, we flew an average of 8 flights a year, and though there were a couple of times he did not want to sit during takeoff or landing, most of the time he behaved himself well. The bigger he is getting though, the more worried I become about travelling with him because of how he behaves, not in the plane, but in the airport where he loves running around. But so far, for the past 9 years, I have always been grateful at the end of each trip that both of us made it to our destination safe and sound.
Going through security check
I can’t remember what year the pat down at the airport that we often go through started, but when it did my son who, back then (ages 4-7) was easily scared by strangers who tried to touch him, would scream and try to run when an officer approached him. A couple of times, a supervising officer yelled at me to hold my son and calm him down even after I explained that he was autistic. That was 4 or 5 years ago, and the officers doing the security check have since become more understanding and crouch down to my son’s eye level and do the check while I rhythmically say “pat, pat, pat, pat” with him. Whew.
In December last year, we took a train to another city and also took the subway several times which meant going through security checks several times. By the time we had to take a flight home, he had gotten so used to the pat down that it didn’t bother him anymore.
Practice makes perfect.
Gadgets and toys
Unless he is very sleepy or very tired, my son would never sleep while traveling. He likes being in a car, train, bus or plane and look outside the window, singing. But if there is nothing interesting to see, then that’s when he asks for the iPad. I always make sure the gadgets are fully charged whenever we travel because some planes still do not have power outlets/USB ports in the seats.
My son always needs to have something in his hands to play with and always wants to be chewing or biting something. He started biting his hands and fingers about a year ago, so we bought him chewy tubes which have been a blessing. Fidget spinners have also been a huge help in keeping his hands busy.
These three things I never forget to bring when I travel with my son: iPad, fidget spinner and Chewy Tubes.
Each child on the spectrum has his/her own specific needs, and perhaps your child does not need a fidget spinner or a chewy tube, but the point is, apart from packing food, always remember to pack something to keep your child occupied. Traveling with a child on the spectrum does not have to be stressful, and it is good to let them experience traveling as often as possible so they will get used to it. The only way they will learn to cope with the difficulties of traveling is by actually doing it. It may be stressful for the family at first, but in time, the child will learn. It needs a lot of patience, but things will be better.
Experience is key.
Keeping the child at home to avoid embarrassment is not helping anyone, especially the child with special needs.
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Burning Forest
This is my son’s latest “abstract painting.” When I woke up the morning after he painted this, I thought it looked like a forest is burning, so now I call it “Burning Forest.”
I honestly don’t think he had a forest in mind. As usual he was just playing with the brush. But my husband and I were quite happy with the result and now it’s hanging on our wall.
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Optimism
Took my son to the beach last weekend
I had planned to let my son stay with us in China for a month in January but disappointed by my husband’s busy schedule at work, I decided to bring my son home after two weeks. Looking back, I think it was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life — a blessing in disguise. I don’t know how I would have handled the situation if I and my 9-year-old son with ASD were stranded in China or quarantined!
As it is, we have a longer break from work which means longer time spent with my son, but my husband is all alone in our apartment back in China. I try not to worry but can’t help when I read the news or hear about what’s happening from people who are in the country.
Still I’m optimistic that there’s an end to this, and it will end soon.
I am hoping and praying for it, especially because the people I am praying for do not believe in a power stronger than they are.
So much has happened in the weeks I have not posted on my blog, some I am so eager to share but can’t find time to write as I am busy being a full-time mom. I look forward to writing again and also reading posts from blogs I follow, but right now it is so difficult to find time when I’m home and fulfilling my roles as mother, sister and aunt. As always, family comes first.
I hope you are doing well. Thanks for visiting my blog.
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New Year Wish
We had a beautiful warm morning today
I’ve been busy flying and being a full-time mom since Christmas. Hopefully I’ll have some time to write when I fly home again later this week.
I wish you all the most peaceful and fulfilling 2020! 🙏🏽🎉
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Shelter: A Haiku
Come, you’ll find shelter
And warmth in my loving arms.
Here with me, you’re safe.
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Fallen Petals: A Haiku
Fine purple petals
Gracefully fall from their tree
Masking homely earth.
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Photo for the week: Yellow
I just came across this photo challenge and thought I’d join in as I have several photos of things yellow!
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Silence: A Haiku and some thoughts
In the midst of all
This life’s hustle and bustle —
Silence from within.
—-
After spending a couple of hours marking papers in McDonald’s (I can’t work at home as I’m always tempted to do something else like doing laundry instead of marking papers!) I went to my favorite noodles shop which was noisy as it was lunch time. Traditional Chinese music blaring from the speakers, a group of young women at a table behind me talking loudly, buses, cars and motorcycles driving past, some honking — so much activity and noise, loud noise.
But as soon as I started thinking of the issue that I’ve spent months thinking about — all those sounds went away. My eyes were only perceiving the movements not quite different from a boring, black-and-white silent movie.
I was figuratively alone in a figuratively quiet but in reality very noisy place.
This made me think of most people’s capacity to tune out noise or to tolerate minor irritants if they truly want to and try. I am saying most people because I believe most of us actually have this capacity to do so, but perhaps there are many who just refuse to even try. And of course there are those who have some sensory or emotion regulation problems who literally cannot stand certain irritants (like my autistic son who does not mind loud music but cries and gets angry when he hears other children crying!)
I have heard and read numerous accounts of people complaining about babies crying during a flight, especially a long haul one. Some reactions and suggestions offered I find quite unhelpful and extremely unsympathetic. I understand that there are parents (or grandparents!) accompanying children on a flight who may not be bothered by the child’s crying and do not care that other passengers are bothered by it. I honestly think these people are in the minority though. Most parents or caregivers on the flights I’ve been on (and I fly several times a year) do try to get the child to be quiet. But yes, there are those who don’t, and their indifference is more annoying than the child’s behavior.
As I said, I have read reactions and comments that are quite unhelpful or are extremely unsympathetic to parents who do try their best to calm down their child (and I believe they do because, let’s be honest, no sane parent loves to hear his/her child cry or be noisy.) Some people said: babies should not be allowed on a flight. This is very unhelpful because these people who complain do not know why the family are traveling. One never knows unless one asks why somebody is traveling — maybe for a holiday, or maybe to see a doctor. But one doesn’t even have to know — everyone has the right to fly and they are paying for it like everyone else.
I have taken several flights with my son, and thankfully he has always behaved himself (we have 2 flights coming I hope I don’t jinx them!) Even as a baby (at 5 months was when he had his first flight), he never cried. But also as a parent, I have always prepared for our flights — toys and gadgets to keep him occupied (I am also lucky that my flights with him are no longer than 2 hours.) However there are babies and young children who are really bothered by ear pressure during flight and parents who do not know how to deal with it. (click here for Tips) When I travel domestically, I usually say something to the parents (fellow Filipinos), “Maybe baby needs his bottle or pacifier?” but in international flights, I tend to keep quiet as the culture is, “Mind your own business.”
There are misbehaving children with parents who let them be and there are babies who cry whose parents just let them be. But there are lots of good parents who do try their best and babies who, for whatever reason, just cry! I hope we can be more sympathetic. We were all babies once — were we always so angelic?
So going back to my main idea — we are capable of tuning out noise or tolerating minor irritants. We surely can if we truly want to and just try. We do not even need noise-cancelling headsets to do this. To prove this, pay attention to how you sometimes tune out your best friend when he’s going on and on about something you’ve already heard a thousand times. That easy.
Silence.
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Memories: A Haiku
These — our memories
Are all that’s left of the past.
No, we can’t go back.
—-
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Ad Astra: To the Stars
The moon one beautiful Jimei night.
These lines from moviejoltz’s review of Ad Astra made me want to watch the movie, and I did. When I first heard of this Brad Pitt movie, I was not keen on watching it because I am not a Brad Pitt fan. But after watching this movie, I can honestly say I like how Brad Pitt played his character, Roy McBride, so well that I forgot him as an actor and just saw Roy the cold and lonely astronaut.
All throughout the movie, the character’s isolation, loneliness is apparent even in his smile, in his politeness and composure, and that isolation/loneliness has been brought on by the uncertainty of the fate of his father who had left earth and never came back.
There are three themes that made me like this movie: one-sided devotion, stubborn pursuit of a dream, and attitudes toward failure and success.
How many of us, in our youth, have experienced being devoted to somebody — spending day and night thinking about that person, wondering what they were doing that very minute and if they were thinking about us too. Then we find out that that somebody has been living their life and has not had time to think about us. Roy, in his 40’s, had not been able to fully live his life as the pain of losing his father in his youth had somehow made him build an emotional fortress around himself making him stoic in the face of many challenges. Then when he finally saw his father again, he realized how all these years when he thought his father was dead without being able to say goodbye, his father was alive and consumed by his dream of finding intelligent life in another planet, with not much room in his mind for his only child. Yet Roy as a grown man, only remembered his father’s words, “I love you, son” and told his father, “I still love you, dad.”‘ He was a young man when his father left him, and his heart remained a young man when he saw his father again, still filled with love for the father who had abandoned him.
Clifford McBride’s stubbornness in pursuing his dream of finding intelligent life in another planet even though it was already clear that there was none, is no different from the many different people’s insistence on finding something that is not there or achieving something that is obviously unachievable. Where some people easily give up on their dreams, others, for whatever reason, will fight to the end achieving that dream even if it meant leaving everything else that used to mean something to them — even family. And Clifford McBride did just that, in the end he lost everything but the love of his son, which would have been enough but sadly, it wasn’t for him.
One of my favorite scenes in the movie is the conversation between Roy and his father when his father finally admitted to Roy that he had failed in finding intelligent life in Neptune, to which Roy answered: “You didn’t. We’re all we’ve got.” And this shows a very clear contrast in the way the two men viewed failure and success. The father viewed “not finding” a failure. He could not see that the proof that there’s none is a form of success. But his son did. (If you’ve ever read my Not About Me page, this is exactly how I view my “failures” in life.)
After watching this movie I said to my husband, this story would still be good if it were set on earth, and not in space. Instead of flying from earth to the moon, from the moon to Mars, then Neptune, Roy could have traveled from California to Maryland, or from Kansas to Uganda. But then the title wouldn’t be AD ASTRA which is Latin for “To the stars,” from the expression “Ad astra per aspera” (literally, to the stars through difficulties.) Roy literally went to the stars through numerous difficulties which he all amazingly overcame. But then again, because it is set in outer space which involves a lot of science stuff, I simply focused on the drama part of the story and was not concerned about whether the science of it was right or wrong.
This is the first Brad Pitt movie that I have watched and truly liked, and one I don’t mind watching again.
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Staple: A Haiku
Life wouldn’t be life
Without smiles that often come
After bitter tears.
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Sweet Love, Used up Love: A Mushy Haiku
Your sweet love is sweet
Sweet as the sweets that one chews
Til it’s sweet no more.
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LAPC: On Display
In response to Amy’s challenge this week, I am using photos I’ve taken in our local supermarket. Two of my favorite fruits are in this collection — mangoes and durian! Yes, durian! I know, for sure, most people dislike the smell of durian, but let me tell you, I love it! And the smell of it makes my mouth water. Lol.
Bananas
Rambutan
Dried dates
Mangoes
Mangoes
Durian
Durian ice cream, durian smoothie, durian cheesecake….
I love durian.
So for this photo challenge, I am also challenging you to be brave and give durian a try! 😉
Happy Sunday!
T.
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Morning: A Haiku
Arise! The sun is up.
Come and see what daylight brings.
Come! Beauty awaits.
—
I am a morning person, but my husband isn’t. But once in a while I can get him to go out for a walk with me early in the morning.
This morning we had beautiful weather at 15C (59F) and walking past the lake I spied an egret (one of the few who haven’t migrated south). To me it was a beautiful sight, and made me smile. (I know I sound like a drama queen, but it is that easy to make me feel happy!)
And it came to me that there’s so much beauty to see early in the morning that people fail to see because they are still in bed. I feel lucky to be able to see and be touched by such a simple sight.
I hope you find something to make you smile today.
Happy weekend!
T.
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Strength: A Haiku
Be still, remember —
Though this life’s rough winds shake you
This storm shall pass.
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Moonlight: A Haiku
Soft and mellow light
Shines gently on this lonely,
Reminiscing soul.
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Wish: A Haiku
If I could I would,
Paint the best picture of how
I remember you.
—-
Leaving the office today, I looked up at the sky and saw the clouds. I wanted to capture the image of the tree with the clouds as the background, and the result is, to me, much nicer than I imagined. To me, it looks like something I would really like to paint, if only I could!
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Absence: A Haiku
Liberty State Park, New Jersey
Everything’s the same
The view, the sounds and the breeze —
But now there’s just me.
—
A humble haiku version of one of my favorite poems, Absence by Elizabeth Jennings.
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LAPC: Nostalgic
Kempinski Hotel, Xiamen
Last night, for the first time in a long, long time, my husband and I went out to attend a party. This time it was at the Kempinski Hotel. It felt good to go out again and relive those evenings many years ago when we used to go out with friends more often without worrying about adult stuff.
But those night outs aren’t what I’m nostalgic about.
It’s Christmas. Kempinski had nice Christmas trees both in the lobby and outside the hotel, and I felt like a kid again excited about Christmas!
Kempinski Hotel, Xiamen
And Christmas always brings me back to my childhood when our Christmas tree was small and simple and the Christmas presents we got from our parents were not expensive, but we had the tradition of getting up at dawn to go to Mass at 4:30 in the morning (Misa de Gallo, literally Rooster’s Mass). Yes, you read that right. 4:30 in the morning which meant waking up an hour earlier before that to wash up and have something hot to drink!
You would think we were unhappy to be woken up that early, but we were actually pretty excited to hear our mother whispering our names to wake us up.
Christmas tree in our house in the Philippines. Picture taken by my sister
We then walked to church (a 10-minute walk from our house) and would see other churchgoers walking. During Mass, my sisters and I often dozed off especially during homily, but would once again perk up just before the singing of the Lord’s Prayer as it meant close to Communion and the end of the Mass.
After Mass, we would walk to the bakery and buy pan de sal for breakfast.
Life was so simple yet we were happy.
If only I could be a child again, and have my parents worry about things that only adults worry about.
Nostalgic.
Tiny Christmas tree in my apartment in Xiamen
Lens-Artists Photo Challenge: Nostalgic
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Tree: A Haiku and some thoughts
Weary from this world
Where no one can give comfort,
One sits in a tree.
—–
As a child, I loved climbing trees. There used to be guava trees in front of our house before my uncle built his house there and a java apple fruit tree behind one of my aunts’ house, which is behind our house. My grandfather made sure all his 8 children lived in the same place, so where I grew up there are 7 detached houses where my mother and her siblings had built their homes.)
My sisters, cousins and I used to climb the trees in the afternoons and sit on the branches (we were all young and thin!) and pick fruits. We were all pretty good at climbing back then. (I can probably still climb but I don’t think any of my sisters or cousins will dare! Lol!)
So whenever I see a tree, I judge it as being climbable or not. Part of me really wants to climb when I see street trees (here they are mango trees) , but living in the city, I don’t want to embarrass myself. A couple of years ago, I went to visit my former professor and he had a very climbable tree in his yard, so I asked if I could climb and sit in it. Being eccentric himself, he said, “Why not?” So, I did!
Sitting in a tree gives me a wonderful feeling of being safe and worry-free, especially when I hear the rustle of the leaves when the wind blows.
At my age now, I see a lot of trees that were I ten years younger, I would consider climbable, but can only look at with a sigh. I wish I could teach my son to climb a tree. That would probably need hundreds more of occupational therapy sessions, but who knows.
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Passion vs Commitment
Today I read a passage about following rules to show one’s faith or having passion about your faith. The writer didn’t like the idea that rules, after being observed mechanically “can be followed with minimal effort and almost no thought.” Passion is deemed more important.
This made me think about how people often prefer the definition of love as an emotion, particularly passion, rather than as commitment, especially in marriage.
Emotions are unreliable.
You cannot force yourself to be passionate about something. You cannot will passion. But you can will yourself to do something even if you have no passion for it.
Marriage is not for grown ups who think like kids. They are not for people who think of their partners as toys they can get rid of once they lose interest in it and find it boring.
Growing up with a mother who had no qualms talking about her problems with her then young daughters, I knew from a young age that marriage had its ups and downs (especially because my mother was such a drama queen and I say that with no disrespect but with a fondness for her whom I miss every day still, even years after she passed on.) There were days when she and my father were this sweet couple, slow dancing to a Nat King Cole song. And there were days she did not speak to him at all
Had my parents given up on each other after their first or hundredth fight, I wouldn’t have been here in this world. And my mother wouldn’t have been there holding my father’s hand on the night he died.
They were married 35 years and were each other’s best friend. I know there were times they both felt they could no longer stand each other, probably questioned whether they still loved each other whenever they had a fight, but as devout Catholics in a country with no divorce laws, they remained committed to staying together, if not for themselves, then for their daughters. And it was the right decision to stay together as they became even closer after my father was diagnosed with a heart disease. My mother took very good care of my father in the last few years of his life, and mourned him for a long time after he died. Even though she complained about my father so many times whenever they fought, when he died, she just remembered how good my father was to her.
If we only rely on our emotions, none of our relationships will be safe from falling apart. Rules may be rigid, but they can help us from going astray. Passions will fade, but if two people in a relationship are both committed to each other, then they will work to keep that relationship strong.
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Rainy Days and Memories
“Into each life, some rain must fall.– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
It’s that time of year again — cold and raining. And the thoughts that crossed my mind last year, surfaced again this year as I walked by the lake and felt the cold wind on my skin.
Funny how such ordinary things as the rustling of leaves, the breeze on one’s skin, the chirping of birds can bring back a flood of memories — all those feelings from years ago come back and seem so fresh. Yet, you are brought back to reality as soon as you tell yourself, “That was then, this is now. And now you are wasting time and energy thinking about it.”
My best friend has told me many times I think too much of the past, that the future is more important. Maybe so.
But one has no control over what comes to mind, or does one? I can shake off thoughts that come to mind, but there is no way I can stop these thoughts from entering my mind. Even saying, “I will not think about it,” is proof that I AM thinking about it.
Walking in the winter rain does this to me all the time — full of drama in the head. But this too shall pass.
Hope you have a lovelier weather than what I have in my neck of the woods.
T.
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Arachne: A Haiku
Day and night she spins,
Weaving an intricate design
Borne of human pride.
—-
I don’t have a picture of a spider or a spider’s web, so this handwoven straw fan would have to do. It probably wasn’t human pride that led the maker of this fan to become a weaver, and no Athena to punish her, but like Arachne, he/she has to work hard.
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Insomnia
For a long time I had insomnia. Even though I was physically exhausted, I couldn’t sleep and kept tossing and turning in bed. When sleep finally came to me, there was probably only an hour before the alarm had to go off.
Family and friends told me to stop drinking coffee, but I wouldn’t hear of it — how could I function without my morning coffee?
But then it got to a point that I was so desperate for sleep that I finally decided to switch to decaf in the morning. Surprisingly, I was fine! I didn’t feel any different; I’m a morning person and even without my regular blend, I went to work full of energy. And I had a really good sleep that night as well.
That’s how I was convinced to make the switch to decaf.
However, what I want to understand is why did my body all of a sudden become overly sensitive to my beloved coffee?
Is it because I have changed my diet? I seldom eat red meat or drink soda or sugary drinks now. I haven’t had red meat in almost a year, soda in over a year!
Is it because of age?
I am still searching for the answer but grateful that now I can sleep again.
If you’re reading this because you have trouble sleeping, perhaps you can try changing something in your diet. Or habit.😉
Good luck!
T.
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Beginnings: A Haiku
Something, someone new
Means a chance for excitement
To once lonely hearts.
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LAPC: Abstract
Patti’s chosen theme this week is “Abstract.” And I’m taking that literally by posting pictures of my then 7-year old autistic son’s watercolor “painting.”
I have no idea what he was thinking about when he played with the brush, but I treasure these literally abstract exercises of my minimally verbal son.
The one above just got a title, “Raining Down.” Thanks to Ann-Christine at Leya. 😁
Lens-artists photo challenge: Abstract
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Moving on: A Haiku
Panglao, Bohol, Philippnes
Yes, you have moved on —
Grateful for every minute
Your poor heart forgets.
—-
T.
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Imperfections: A Haiku
A flower loses
A pretty, tiny petal —
Imperfect beauty.
T.
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Blessings: A Haiku
With a grateful heart
The soul can find more blessings,
Joys more than sorrows.
———
T.
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Passion: A Haiku
Passions in people,
Alluring, captivating
But as flowers — wilt.
—–
T.
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Nostalgia: A Haiku
Iligan, Philippines
As the sun sets down
Below the horizon again,
The yearning begins.
T.
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Rough: A Haiku
The roughness of scars
Those deep, painful wounds have left —
Enough proof of strength.
——
T.
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Time and Memories
I checked the date today and realized I had only been back from home for a week. It feels like I had not been home for a month and missing my son so bad.
Is it time that plays tricks on us, or is it our brain?
Sometimes a memory comes into mind, and I would feel it happened just yesterday. Other times I would feel it happened a lifetime ago.
Sometimes I wish I could relive a memory, not just recall it. Like how my son as a toddler, looked at and listened to me when I sang to him, as if I was the most entertaining person in the world, and he was my number 1 fan. Or how he would stop playing and run to me to hug me while I was busy in the kitchen.
Other memories I just want to erase, the same way you highlight a text you’re typing (Ctrl-A) and then press delete. Save. That quickly. But the irony is, the more you want to forget something, the more it rankles in your mind. Memories like these are hard to forget. Is there ever a way to forget?
T.
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Christmas in a coffee shop
I was happy to see there’s Christmas ornaments and merchandise in this coffee shop. As soon as I entered, I heard my favorite Nat King Cole Christmas song. It brought back many memories of Christmas with my parents when I was a kid.
Christmas is not celebrated here the way it is in my country. Here many people confuse Santa with Jesus, and they aren’t as excited about it as we are, which is understandable because they don’t get a 2-week long holiday from school or several days off from work.
Nevertheless seeing the ornaments and hearing Christmas music put me in a nice mood while waiting for a friend. The people here may not share the same feeling about Christmas as people back home, but this place is still nice to look at and the coffee was good! 😛
Have a lovely week!!
T.
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Simple joys: A Haiku
A roadside beauty,
Ordinary, unnoticed.
But one who sees, smiles.
—
May you find something to make you smile today!
T.
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Lens-Artists Photo Challenge: Cold
Canada
Tina’s challenge this week is a real challenge for someone like me who comes from a tropical country! Thankfully I’ve traveled to some places with a winter season. The first image above I have used more than a couple of times on my blog. It is one of my favorite photos because when I took it, it was the first time ever (and this was 2016) I had seen a snow-covered mountain! I couldn’t believe it! It was summer in Canada but there was snow!
Now let me say something about the word “cold” and how subjective that is: when I told my cousin who was then living in Alberta that I was visiting, she got so excited saying, “Perfect! You are lucky. It’s already summer here. Just bring shorts and T-shirts!” My mistake was I just believed her and did not bother to check the weather app.
When I arrived in Vancouver in my summer clothes (luckily I always bring a summer cardigan when I travel because I know in some planes and airports their A/Cs are just set too low), I was not ready for the 18C (64F) temperature. When I met with a former student, I noticed she was wearing a coat. And we both said, “This is not summer!”
When I finally saw my cousin in Alberta, she was wearing spaghetti strap top and shorts! And she had the A/C on in her house! I begged her to turn it off and borrowed winter pajamas. She couldn’t stop laughing at me and told everyone in the family how cold I felt.
Well, can you blame me?
The very first time I saw snow though was in my husband’s hometown, in Shandong Province in China. At first I was so excited to see snow. But after a day of being cold (in the countryside their houses do not have central heating), I begged my husband to let me move to the city and said to him, “Please, look at my skin! It’s brown! This skin is not for the cold!” And I’m not being racist about my skin! It’s really brown.
Shandong Province
Hope you feel comfortable whether you’re in a cold or warm place!
T.
Lens-Artists Photo Challenge: Cold
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Evening walk: A Haiku
Moonlit evening stroll,
Cool breeze caressing my skin —
As I walk alone.
——-
T.
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Defeat: A Haiku
Promises deafen
The heart that lost the battle
To stay unbroken.
—-
T.
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Grit: Two Haikus
Insurmountable,
Formidable obstacles
Are all in the mind.
—-
Don’t keep looking up
Look straight ahead and walk on
You’ll get there in time.
T.
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Waiting: A Haiku
Xiamen Gaoqi Airport
Everyone has left
They have moved on with their lives.
Save for one — who waits.
—–
T.
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Veggies in a Nori
I’ve been craving spring rolls for two weeks now. I even got my sisters to eat vegetarian spring rolls last time I was home. I was so amazed that they ate them — all veggies, no meat at all! Finding spring roll wrappers back home is not a problem. You can find them in the supermarkets or grocery stores.
I find it ironic that I am having a hard time finding them here in China. So today at the supermarket I bought nori instead! It you ask me why I won’t just eat the veggies without wrapping them, the only answer I can give you is — I just want them in a wrap!
Today I had stir-fried bean sprouts, cabbage, carrots, celery, cilantro and king oyster mushroom wrapped in nori. It’s not sushi, but has the taste of one without the caloric content of rice.
It was a filling and healthy lunch. 😊
Have a wonderful week!
T.
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LAPC: Waiting
This week’s theme is “Waiting.” Even before I read Amy’s post I knew I would post pictures related to flying — which I do every month.
Most of the waiting I do now happens at an airport. I often go on red-eye flights because they are cheaper, though the layovers are always longer than the flights themselves. But then again they are cheaper.
So what do you do when there’s air traffic and your plane can’t land because the airport has only one runway! Take pictures of those things that are so commonplace you forget they are there!
I used to look forward to flying, but now I just try not to think about it and simply look forward to arriving. I hope one day teleportation will become real!
Taken just before a 10-minute long turbulence
Waiting for a flight may be exhausting, but at least you know eventually you will get to your destination.
It is less stressful than waiting for something whose arrival is forever uncertain.
—-
Have a lovely week!
T.
Lens-Artists Photo Challenge: Waiting
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Christmas in November
It’s Christmas in the Philippines! Well, it’s been Christmas in the Philippines since September. It’s the biggest and most anticipated holiday in my country. Countdown begins in September and ornaments and Christmas trees aren’t put away until early January on the feast of the Three Kings.
Arriving at the airport after a red-eye flight, I was so excited to see all the ornaments and even a Christmas tree!
Another short flight and I’ll be home, and with my family it will really feel like Christmas in November!
Happy weekend!
T.
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Connectedness
I’ve had this torn page from an old magazine on my office wall for over a decade now. The color has faded, but the words always have the same effect on me: jolting me to reality that every action I make, every word I utter has an effect on something or someone. It creates ripples.
Just a short note to remind all of us (myself included) that it is better to be mindful and to be kind and to smile rather than be angry and glare at people especially early in the morning. A simple smile can brighten a stranger’s day. And just maybe that stranger will be kinder to people around him as well.
Ripples.
Have a lovely morning (or evening)!
T.
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Of Love and Distance: A Haiku
Continually close,
Two people may feel smothered.
Apart — they love, thrive.
——-
T.
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Vegetarian Spring Rolls
I had a quite filling yet inexpensive lunch today — two pieces of vegetarian spring rolls.
Ordering these spring rolls before grocery-shopping at Walmart-SM Mall has been a habit of mine for years now (Walmart-SM is on the island, so I only go there once or twice a month.) A friend of mine introduced the restaurant to me at least 10 years ago, and I’ve been going to that restaurant for their spring rolls ever since.
These spring rolls have dried tofu, cabbage, celery, cilantro, carrot and peanut sauce.
A very simple yet filling and healthy meal.
There are a number of spring roll recipes online. You can try making your own.
Apart from finding time to exercise, it isn’t very hard to lose weight. Stick to a healthy diet.
Good luck!
T.
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Freedom: A Haiku
Confused. Defeated.
Straight or crooked, narrow or wide —
There is a way out.
—-
T.
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Hope: A Haiku
In the darkness
Lies a shallowly hidden
Cranny. Search — there’s light!
————-
T.
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The moon, the moon, the moon
For those who follow my blog, you’d probably notice I’ve posted several photos of the moon lately.
I love looking up at the sky and seeing a beautiful moon. And I thought people feel the same way I do, but one evening years ago walking with my best friend, I said, “Hey! Look at the moon! So beautiful!” And he said, “It’s just the moon. Come on!”
And then last night on my walk home from the office, taking these photos, two girls passed by and murmured, “What’s she taking pictures of?”
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I’m glad I see beauty in ordinary things and occurrences. I am thankful I can still see.
The soft moonlight makes things look gentler. It hides the ugliness visible in the daytime and makes them mysterious. Guy de Maupassant’s story Moonlight comes to mind.
May you see beauty around you. 💕
T
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The moon: A Haiku
In eerie darkness
Silence, then, rustling of trees.
What a sight! The moon!
——
T.
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Of fish and men: A Haiku
Shed those bitter tears
And then go, explore again
For the world abounds.
——
T.
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LAPC: Creepy
“Creepy” is a subjective word.
As Ann-Christine quoted from a dictionary, it causes “unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.”
So what one finds creepy may be just “normal” to somebody else.
A few years ago just after my son was diagnosed with Autism, a girl, who I later found out was one of our neighbors, gave my son a look that I thought was mocking. At that time I felt too protective of my then 2-year old son and was quite emotional that I glared at the girl and just walked away with my son. A few days later I saw the girl again and saw the same expression on her face and realized that was really how she looked — her facial expression unchanged.
That truly taught me lesson — not to be too sensitive. When somebody looks at you, do not think too much about it. It may mean nothing.
In the same way what you think of as creepy, others may see as harmless or even boring.
It’s all relative.
The fish in the photos may be giving you a creepy look — but they don’t have bad intentions! 😛
Happy Sunday!
T.
Lens Artists Photo Challenge: Creepy
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Of sunsets and wasted time: A Haiku
Xiamen sunset
Sun sets yet again
Another day sees its end.
Time — how did you spend?
——
Hope you do something meaningful today.
Happy weekend! 💕
T.
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The Other Side: A Haiku
Enigmatical,
Imagined prosperity —
Then…reality.
——
The grass is always greener….
People sometimes imagine a better life somewhere else, unhappy with what they have. They follow their desire and get all excited about their new life only to be disappointed after a while.
Sometimes it’s not a change of place that’s needed. Just a change of heart. Or mind.
Happy weekend! 💕
T.
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Words: A Poem
I walk down this road
And say aloud the words
I know you won’t hear.
But I hope the wind
Carries them to you
Across the seas
And though
You’ll never hear them
You’ll feel them on your cheeks
And maybe
Make you think of me.
T.
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Beautiful November Morning
I went out for a walk this morning and couldn’t help taking photos as I thought the weather was perfect at 70F and it was breezy with blue sky above and quiet except for the rustling of the leaves and chirping of the birds.
Life is beautiful.
I hope you have a beautiful morning (or evening) too! 💕
T.
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Shadows
You’re only a shadow of what you used to be
You’re no longer real.
Find what used to make you real.
Then maybe you’ll find yourself.
——
T.
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The Sun: A Haiku
Do not get too close.
It will burn you and blind you,
Farther — gives you warmth.
—–
Some people are better seen (or heard) from a distance, too. 😛
(Btw, the framing of this picture is far from perfect as I wasn’t even looking up when I took the picture! Just pointed my phone camera to where I felt the sun was and click! Hey! It wasn’t too bad!)
Have a lovely week! 💕
T.
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Dumplings for vegetarians
I am not a vegetarian, but I try to eat more vegetables than meat. Yesterday I had my first (and last) meat dish for the week, so I wasn’t so keen on having dumplings for supper.
But my husband wanted to have dumplings in a Dongbei 东北 (northeastern) restaurant. Most dumplings have meat in them. Thankfully the restaurant serves leek and egg dumplings (韭菜鸡蛋水饺.)
Last week I did my dance workout one hour every single day and also did planking and lifting weights and really watched my diet.
I lost 1 kilogram.
Though I tend to eat more during weekends when my husband and I eat together, I know if I really want to, I can lose one kilogram again this week with exercise and a vegetarian diet.
Optimism and discipline. 💪
T.
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LAPC: Monochrome
Huawen Xue Yuan, Jimei, Xiamen
This week Patti chose “Monochrome” for LAPC’s theme.
She said, “Monochrome can also add drama, mystery, and emotion to a shot…” and I agree!
These are some photos I took yesterday when my husband and I went out for a walk.
Long Zhou Hu (Dragon Boat Lake), Jimei, Xiamen
Happy Sunday!
T. 💕
Lens Artists Photo Challenge:Monochrome
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Keep climbing
No matter how steep
If there are steps, then you can
Climb, climb to the top.
——-
Happy weekend!💕
T.
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In search of Gong Bao Ji Ding
In my first few years in China, I often ordered Gong Bao Ji Ding (宫保鸡丁 or Kung Pao Chicken) and Mapo Doufu (麻婆豆腐）whenever we went out to eat simply because the Chinese restaurants my friends and I often went to were Sichuan restaurants.
But as years passed and my friends left in China, my husband and I seldom go out to eat, and when we do we don’t usually eat Sichuan food. So I had not eaten Gong Bao Ji Ding in at least 4 years even though I live in China! Until today.
We purposely went out to find a restaurant that serves Gong Bao Ji Ding because the restaurant we used to go to no longer serves my favorite dish! We walked about 3 km until we found one that serves it. Though I was a little disappointed it didn’t taste the same as I remembered it, I was still glad I finally got to eat it again!
Another dish I recalled liking then and ordered today was Gan Bian Si Ji Dou （干煸四季豆).
This one tasted the same though.
All in all we had a beautiful morning walk that culminated in a good lunch that brought back memories of good food and fun company.
Have a wonderful weekend! 💕
T.
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Trees and Sky
“Trees are poems the earth writes upon the sky.” –Kahlil Gibran
Wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙏🏽
T.
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Circles
We move in different circles
Some wider than others
But not necessarily happier.
It doesn’t matter how big or small
The circle you’re in,
What matters is who are in it:
Who are they to you?
Who are you to them?
Do they matter to you?
Do you matter to them?
Some circles are big but empty.
Others are small but not petty.
——–
I have a 4-day weekend this week. So, happy weekend!💕
T.
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Solitude
Gulangyu, Xiamen
Voices everywhere,
And cars, buses, trains and planes —
Far from them — silence!
——–
In this busy and noisy world, may you find time and a place for solitude. 🙏🏽
T.
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Shine bright: Two haikus
Though clouds block the way
Find slits through which to shine bright
Shine bright and give light.
———–
Dark clouds hide the sun
Then the wind blows and clouds move
Briefly — the sun shines.
———-
I was on a moving bus when I took the picture above. I have always liked watching the sun’s rays through the clouds. To me it always feels like the land is being blessed.
But the haikus I attempted to write aren’t about that. They are about being optimistic and sharing that optimism with others.
I hope you find reasons to be optimistic today! 💕
T.
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So near, yet so far
Seen from a distance
Laughter heard across the miles
But untouched — unreal
——
Technology has made our lives easier and communicating with family more convenient.
Yet, somehow seeing your loved on the screen of your computer or phone or iPad is not the same as holding their hand or hugging them.
Online communication still seems so unreal.
Maybe it will feel “normal” in the future. Maybe.
Happy Tuesday!
T.
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Cold tea
Tea’s gone cold again.
Today just like yesterday —
No one’s here to drink.
—-
May you have someone to drink tea (or coffee or wine) with. 😉
Have a lovely week!
T.
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LAPC: Seeing Double
“There is no satisfaction in any good without a companion.” — Seneca the Younger
Two penguins at the New England Aquarium
Meteorites exhibit at the Harvard Museum of Natural History
Petronas Towers, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Wax figures of two former presidents at the Dreamland Wax Museum, Boston
Wax figures of two members of the Royal Family at the Dreamland Wax Museum, Boston
“A good companion is one you wouldn’t mind dying with. “
— Frank Herbert
May you find a good companion in life, if you haven’t yet. 💕
T.
Lens artists photo challenge: Seeing Double
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Being alone in old age
“No one should be alone in their old age. But it is unavoidable.” Santiago in Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
“No one should be alone in their old age. But it is unavoidable.” Santiago in Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
I think I have written on this theme before, but I am reminded of this again recently rereading Old Man and the Sea and also by something I saw while walking at the park one evening.
While walking at the park a few evenings ago, when the lights had not been turned on yet although it was already a little dark (the lights are turned on at 6:30 in the evening), I saw this tiny, frail-looking white-haired woman, her back hunched, sitting alone on a bench under a tree.
I don’t know her story, maybe it’s not a sad one, but it made me think how at my age now, I love having a “ME” time — being alone during the day and certain of company later in the day when my husband comes home, having someone to talk with about how our day went.
Many times I have heard parents of young children and teenagers complaining about how they don’t have time for themselves and cannot wait for the time when their children become adults and leave the house. But I have also heard many older parents who talk about missing their adult children and hoping, waiting for them to visit or even just call.
Sometimes we behave as if we will always be what we are at present — strong, healthy, not needing anybody. I think the more often we remind ourselves that one day we will need company, one day we will need help, one day we will miss our children, one day we will fear being alone — the more gracious we will be in living our present lives, and the kinder we will be to people whom we think we have no need for at present.
Sure, aging parents can be a burden sometimes, especially when they become demanding or even mean. But perhaps it is their illness that makes them so; they would probably never think of saying or doing these things when they still had full control of themselves. Perhaps they need compassion and understanding more than anything.
I learned this from my mother whose own mother disliked her when my grandmother was still strong and able. But when my grandmother became sick and unable to walk, my mother came and offered to help and forced us, her daughters to help as well. At first my grandmother still refused to talk to my mother but after a while she probably realized my mother was not going anywhere. They were able to forgive each other before my grandmother died. My mother’s humility in front of my grandmother and her sincerity in helping her in her hour of need made an impression on us, her children. My mother was not perfect, but we loved her and took care of her the best way we could. From her we learned that though your parents made mistakes, they did raise you the best way they knew how, and just as you have compassion on strangers who are suffering, you can be compassionate with the ones who loved you enough to try to give you a better life than the one they lived.
We are all going to grow old and weak, if we don’t leave this world earlier than expected.
The sooner we realize this, the more compassionate we will become.
Blessings. 🙏🏽
T.
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A Trip to Gulangyu
I’ve been living in Xiamen for 17 years and I’ve visited Gulangyu over a hundred times over the years, but there are places on both islands that I still have to see.
So I was glad to get to the top of Sunlight Rock for the first time yesterday and be able to take pictures of the southern part of Xiamen island and the view of Gulangyu taken from the top of Sunlight Rock.
As we arrived there early, we were able to avoid the crowds of tourists that started to come around lunch time when we had already walked over 7km.
I was also able to get inside the Christ the King church which had to be unlocked by a kind lady who asked me if I was from the Philippines and did I want to pray.
It had been awhile since I last came, so I was happy to be able to come to this church again where I came to hear mass every week for years.
You can come to Gulangyu by ferry from Youlun Zhongxin (for tourists) and tickets cost 35RMB. (Thankfully we have a card that shows we work in Xiamen, and so we pay the local’s fare of 8RMB and get on a different ferry that is not crowded at all!)
We spent one morning on Gulangyu and walked for over 9km.
But surprisingly, I wasn’t tired at all.
If you’re ever in Xiamen, you can’t miss Gulangyu. It is truly worth a visit.
Have a lovely Thursday!
T.
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Darkness and Light
Zheng Chenggong, Gulangyu Museum, Xiamen
We went to Gulangyu this morning, and I was able to visit places that I had never been to before.
One of these places was the museum that one could go in for free. It doesn’t seem to be a very popular place (there were thousands of tourists outside but less than 50 people inside this 3-story museum), so it was nice to walk around and learn about the history of this tiny island.
I took a picture of this statue of General Zheng as I liked the contrast of darkness and light where it stood. It was dark coming from the left side, but there was light coming from the window to the right. I thought it was the perfect location.
As a general he probably went through many times of choosing between darkness and light.
At least that’s what I saw/thought of it. Or maybe I am just overthinking again!
What do you think?
T.
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Morning farewell
View of Xiamen on ferry to Gulangyu
As the sun rises
The city wakes and you move
Far away from me.
—–
T.
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Past and Present
A cup of coffee
blended with words of love and hate —
The past. Water, please.
———
Have a wonderful week!
T.
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LAPC: Layered
Underneath the layers
Underneath the layers
Lies something hidden,
Lies something hidden,
Waiting to be seen.
Waiting to be seen.
The Oculus, NYC
The Oculus, NYC
Lens Artists Photo Challenge: Layered
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On Unlikely Friendships
Recently I was told by someone they couldn’t believe I am friends with one of my best friends when we are so different from each other. What did we talk about?
I wasn’t able to give an answer that satisfied them (they have asked me this at least twice), so I got to thinking , why indeed?
The answer really is, we have known each other for years, and in those years we have talked a lot about everything — politics, religion, philosophy, music, movies, our families, our work, our worries and fears, things and people we love and hate — I can’t think of anything we have not talked about.
Isn’t that how friendships are formed?
We become friends with people who may seem different from us at first, but when we spend time to get to know them and for them to know us, we find that underneath the unimportant differences, we have more in common in our hopes and dreams, joys and sadness — in our humanity.
All it takes is listening: we listen to them, and they listen to us.
“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” — Aristotle
My three best friends and I may have very different temperaments, and we disagree with each other on so many things — but we respect each other’s views and accept each other as a friend with different views on things.
“A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.” — Baltasar Gracian
What I am most grateful for in my friendship with my 3 best friends is that they all have taught me, at different periods in my life, something that I find valuable, useful.
Apart from my son, these three have helped shape me into the person that I am now — one that is still not perfect but one that I like and respect.
Wouldn’t you feel blessed to have such friends?
Have a peaceful weekend!
T.
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LAPC: Candid Part 2
There are two places my 8-year old son who has Autism, loves to be at — the airport and the beach. But whereas at the airport he likes to walk or run around, he is most calm sitting on the beach. At one beach we went to early this year, he and his dad sat watching the sunset for over an hour.
I was at first hesitant to post candid photos of my son, but then I realize most of these photos were taken with his back to the camera.
I have used these photos before in my posts about him and Autism, so these are “recycled” photos, but definitely candid. 😉
Lens-Artists Photo Challenge: Candid
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LAPC: Candid
Gentle and glowing,
She dazzles every creature
With her candid pose.
—–
I know Ann-Christine suggested candid photographs of people and animals, but I don’t have lots of those that I think I can share publicly. Then I saw the moon tonight and thought, “What a beauty!” And I attempted a haiku praising the moon, and thought of the word “candid.” So there. 😉
Have a lovely week!
T.
Lens Artists Photo Challenge: Candid
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Happiness is a letter E
Last week I ran into a co-worker who had not seen me in a while, and she asked me how I was doing and how my son was doing. She knows my son is on the spectrum, so when she asked me about my son, I excitedly told her I would show her something that shows my son’s progress. And she looked so eager waiting to see a picture of my son.
But when she finally saw what I had wanted to show her — the picture above, I saw the dramatic change in her facial expression — one of pity, which just made me laugh saying, “I know my happiness is too simple!”
At 8 years old, my son just learned how to trace the first letter of his name, E. I was ecstatic. My sisters were so excited. My husband was so moved. This picture of his first letter E kept me smiling for days. And when my co-worker saw me that day, I was still “high” from that letter E! LOL.
I fully understand why my co-worker felt sorry for me — she then talked about how there are good schools in other countries — but we see the progress in my son’s slow progress. And every progress is something that brings us happiness and are thankful for.
My son is fortunate to have teachers and therapists who have so much patience to teach him. He is blessed to have my sisters and my nephews who love him for who and what he is. And we are all blessed to have him who has taught us that happiness does not have to come from big, expensive stuff.
Happiness can come from a simple drawing of a letter E. ❤️
May you find happiness in simple things.
T.
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Breaking the Silence
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Coconut Water
When I was a kid, we never had to buy coconut or coconut water as my late grandfather had a farm and we could have all the coconut water we wanted. The tenants’ sons so expertly climbed the tree and got us young coconuts which they then as expertly cracked open with the blunt edge of a bolo.
Those were the days.
Now we have to buy young coconuts for the water. I’ve only tried the coconut water sold in stores once, and that was it. It didn’t taste like coconut water at all. Luckily for me, I come from a country where it’s in abundance so it’s pretty inexpensive. I was quite surprised to find the price of one here in Jimei is 15RMB (2.15 USD). For that price back home, it’s served in a restaurant and you don’t have to open it yourself! Lol.
Coconut water is supposedly rich in potassium, richer than bananas even. It is also low in calories and free of fat and cholesterol.
I had kidney stones as a kid, so my mother often encouraged me to drink more coconut water. Back then I didn’t know why but having read about it more, coconut water is supposed to help dissolve kidney stones because of its richness in potassium which helps prevent formation of kidney stones.
I honestly think it helped me back then, especially as I don’t remember taking medicines for my kidney problem.
However a few articles online also said that if you have chronic kidney disease, you should limit your potassium intake which means coconut water may not be best for you.
Like most “findings” these days, it’s hard to determine which one’s right or wrong. One day “experts” say something is good for you; later, another group of “experts” say it’s bad for you.
I guess the best advice is: moderation.
But one thing I can assure you: fresh coconut water is healthier and more refreshing than an ice-cold soda!
Happy weekend!💕
T.
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Ghosting
When I was younger, “ghosting” was not the term for when someone you had been chatting or texting with all of a sudden went quiet.
As an older person who has experienced being ghosted and ghosting someone, I realize “ghosting” is merely a one-sided view of the situation. The one who stops texting (A) does not think of her “indifference”as “ghosting” as she is just living her life. She does not see the need to text or contact because she is busy with other things.
If the other person she has been texting with (B) also has a busy life, her (A’s) absence or silence will not be an issue. But if B relies heavily on A’s “company,” then B will definitely see A’s silence as “ghosting.”
Is someone “ghosting” you? Or you just need more friends? 😉
Have a fun-filled weekend!
T.
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Home
Jimei, Xiamen, China
Home — a word, a place
a person who makes you love
life and want to live.
——–
May you find yourself a happy home. 💕
T.
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What’s new?
Sun rises again
A new day begins again
But what’s new with you?
——-
Have a lovely day! 😊
T.
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Silence and Words
When silence tortures
the mind, body and the soul,
Writing soothes and heals.
Have a peaceful week! 🙏🏽
T.
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Bitter (Gourd) Memory
This is what I had for lunch today: bitter gourd with egg, sprinkled with black pepper and cumin.
I loved it. But I haven’t always loved it.
When I was a child, my mother often prepared a bitter gourd salad which I could not even chew because of its bitterness. In high school, our Practical Arts teacher told us this vegetable (or vegetable-fruit) was a blood purifier. That really stuck with me. Several times I tried to like this vegetable, but it wasn’t until only a couple of years ago that I could finally appreciate the bitterness of the bitter gourd.
And am I thankful that I like it now!
It’s supposedly packed with nutrients and can help reduce blood sugar and cholesterol levels. And as it is rich in fiber and low in calories, it’s great for weight loss as well.
Did I enjoy my lunch? I sure did! (I learned from my Korean friend that this is not cheap in South Korea. However, there’s an abundance of bitter gourd in southern China where I am now and in my home country as well. So, lucky me!)
Have a healthy week!
T.
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LAPC: Filling the Frame
My favorite subject for photography is flowers as I find them easier to frame than it is to frame a building or a wide, open space or a moving animal. And flowers, whether you zoom in or out, almost always come out beautiful.
Here are some photos of flowers I have taken over the years. They all “fill the frame.”
Have a lovely week! 💕
T.
Lens-Artists Photo Challenge: Filling the Frame
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Healthy Eating, Healthy Living
Six months have passed since I started seriously working out and dieting, and I lost close to 8 kilograms. Last time I was home I put on my old jeans and they were ridiculously loose. That really encouraged me to keep on losing more until I reach that healthy weight and BMI (for Asian bodies).
However a week ago, I got a quite unexpected bad news and it strongly affected me. The fact that I did not ( I still don’t) like to talk about it with people made it even more stressful. And when I’m stressed, I eat! So that’s what happened for 4 days in a row — I cooked, baked and overate and was too upset to do my usual dance workout. When I weighed myself early this morning, yikes!
Thankfully that number on the scale challenged me. And so today I told myself I don’t have to let the bad news get me down. I should just go on and try my best to stay healthy mentally and physically — and a healthy diet and exercise will help me achieve both. So that’s what I did today — had healthy meals, danced for an hour and did planking.
And I feel better.
Have a lovely week!💕
T.
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“Howards End” and the idea of death
“Death destroys a man; the idea of death saves him.” — E.M. Forster, Howards End
I read Howards End last week, and I made several notes on it on my Kindle, but for now I want to write about this line spoken by Helen Schlegel as she was talking with Leonard.
Death does destroy a human being, literally — our bodies decay with death. But the idea of death is what drives most of us to live our lives the best we can. Knowing that there is an end or becoming aware that the end is near, people tend to try to become their better selves — asking forgiveness, fixing broken relationships, showing kindness, completing tasks, etc.
Though I am afraid of a painful death, death itself, to me, is not something to be feared, but something that is merely necessary. It can be a hassle when you have responsibilities that you cannot simply entrust to somebody else, but you know it is a fact of life.
In the novel, Helen says: “I love Death — not morbidly, but because He explains.” And she goes on to explain how with Death, one can see the emptiness of Money.
Death does explain this and much more to us, but the idea of death leads us to ask the questions that really matter:
Why am I here if I’m only going to die? How can I make good use of my borrowed time in this life?
There’s not much use asking where you’re going after you die. It’s enough to answer the two questions above and live your life with purpose and passion.
May you find purpose for and passion in living your life. 🙏🏽
T.
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LAPC: Countryside
There is something about the countryside that is so relaxing. Though it doesn’t give me the same sense of serenity I get from sitting on a quiet beach, being in the countryside still feels like taking a break from the busy-ness of life.
The picture above is of a rice farm in Northern Mindanao, Philippines. I was on my way to the airport when I saw this farm. The sky was so blue with some white clouds, and the hills in the distance so green — I just thought it was so beautiful. I asked the driver to stop the car, and I got out and saw this farmer. I asked him if I could take a picture of him, and he said it was OK.
Then I got back in the car, and went to the airport and back to my busy life. But this picture always gives me that feeling of wanting even a quick break from life and its worries.
I had the same feeling visiting my cousin’s uncle’s farm in Alberta, Canada. After a 12-hour flight and then wandering around Vancouver, it was relaxing to not see people and rest the eyes and the soul by just watching green grass, blue sky, white clouds and farm animals!
Hope you have a relaxing week!
T. 💕
Lens-artists photo challenge: countryside
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On Pain and Anger
“It’s a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won’t go.” –– Bertrand Russell
I guess like most people I do not like getting angry, not only because it takes so much energy to be angry but also I do not like the idea that the person who made me angry is living rent-free in my head and is controlling me! And I always like to be in control of ME!
“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” — Mother Teresa
And what of pain? Pain, like anger, is also exhausting. But unlike anger that robs us of wisdom, pain most of the time, makes us pause and if we pause long enough to think, we actually gain wisdom from pain.
Just recently I was angered by someone, and then I got angry with myself for allowing the person to control my emotion. Then there was regret over the angry words that came out, and with regret comes pain.
It is so easy to say, ” We have to learn to control our anger!” But it’s seldom easy to follow through. It’s perhaps easier to control our actions, but how easy is it to control our words which sometimes cut too deep that the wounds don’t heal?
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” — Ambrose Bierce
Have a peaceful week!💕
T.
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LAPC: Magical
I love looking up at the sky, whether in the day time or at night. I often wonder what it’s like up there looking down, (which is why I follow NASA and the International Space Station on social media.)
To me the sky or whatever is up (or out) there is magical.
Sometimes when I am going through a difficult time, I only have to go to a quiet place — by the lake, on a quiet beach, or my balcony and look up at the sky and remind myself of the vastness of the universe and the minuteness of my life and worries.
Now isn’t that cure magical? 😉
Have a lovely week!
T. 💕
Lens Artists Photo Challenge: Magical
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Lens Artists Challenge: Silhouette
This summer I had a 12-hour layover in NYC, and luckily my friend and his wife offered to show me around.
Coming from the Philippines, I was looking forward to a cooler weather, but I wasn’t so lucky as it was about as hot in NYC that day as it was back home. Still, I enjoyed the few hours I spent in NYC.
And of course, I took lots of photos!
This one of the One World Trade Center was taken around 3 in the afternoon. I had thought I wouldn’t be able to get a good picture in the brightness and from where I was standing facing the sunlight, but hey, now I have an entry for this week’s challenge! Yay!
Have a lovely weekend!
T.
Lens Artists Challenge: Silhouette
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On Death and Promises
My husband and I have the weirdest conversations between a married couple simply because I am weird. One of the things we talked about a couple of years ago was what would happen WHEN I die (because I have to die first, and I would never forgive him if he dies before me! To which he agrees. He says he would like to be able to give me a proper funeral. This I truly appreciate.)
I told him that at my funeral, he can look around and see who among my friends he can marry. Well, this was too weird for him. (But perhaps he was just thinking my friends would be too old for him!)
When I told my friends and sisters about this they thought I was crazy.
Maybe. But my point is, I would like my husband to be happy when I leave. My only condition is that whoever that woman who can make him happy is, should accept my son like he is her son, because I want my son to be happy too.
Unlike the characters in the Disney movie, “Coco” who feel the need to be remembered — I don’t feel the need to be remembered. It would be nice to be remembered, but I am not sentimental about it. What matters most to me is number 1: my autistic son is taken care of until such time he can look after himself; and number 2: that the people I love will go on to live happy, healthy lives after I’m gone.
The day before my mother died, I saw the look on her face change when my then 13-year-old nephew who is my mom’s first grandchild, entered the room. Her eyes lit up, and there was a fondness for my nephew that was so visible that I, her youngest child, felt a little jealous even though I was already 44! We all knew she had not wanted to leave yet because she was worried about him. We gave her the assurance that we all would take care of each other.
I have tried to keep that promise.
I hope that when it’s my turn to go, I would get the same promise that my son will be taken care of. And that they will keep it.
🙏🏽
T.
———
Sonnet 71 by William Shakespeare
No longer mourn for me when I am dead
Than you shall hear the surly sullen bell
Give warning to the world that I am fled
From this vile world with vilest worms to dwell:
Nay, if you read this line, remember not
The hand that writ it, for I love you so,
That I in your sweet thoughts would be forgot,
If thinking on me then should make you woe.
O! if, I say, you look upon this verse,
When I perhaps compounded am with clay,
Do not so much as my poor name rehearse;
But let your love even with my life decay;
Lest the wise world should look into your moan,
And mock you with me after I am gone.
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Books, Language and Autism
E. at the Manila Ocean Park
My son is going to be 9 soon, but in his last appointment with his developmental pediatrician, he was assessed as having the language ability of a 3-year old.
Over the years, I have read articles on how to teach a minimally verbal child like him speak; he has had several tutors, special education teachers and therapists. Though he has progressed much in other areas, cognition and language are areas where he has made slow progress. Yet, I am still very hopeful that one day he will speak. What I keep reminding myself is what I heard from one speech-language pathologist a couple of years ago — for some kids, it takes a longer time for speech to come out. But as parents, we should keep “inputting data” (language) into their brains. Just because they are not speaking does not mean we have to stop teaching them to speak
And this idea is what gives me hope.
For the first five years of his life, I read to my son almost every night and that led to him being able to recite about 20 of his books from cover to cover. I started reading Beatrix Potter’s Jemima Puddleduck to him when he was not even a year old, and he loved the sound of — I’m not sure if it’s my voice, or the flow of the words, or both but he made me read it over and over again until he memorized the whole book. I would intentionally leave out a sentence, and he would say it to me over and over again until I said the line myself!
Being autistic with sensory issues, E. has a habit of chewing on things that he likes. And because he loved his books then, he chewed on all of them. Before that Jemima Puddleduck book became badly damaged from being chewed on, my husband came up with the idea of scanning it so our son could view it on the computer. But it wasn’t the same for E. . And that book was forgotten for a couple of years.
When our living arrangement changed, I felt bad not being able to read to him at night. Then one day I saw the scanned pages of Jemima Puddleduck and decided to make a read-aloud video of it. When I finally played that video for him, the smile on his face when he saw those pictures and heard my voice reading the book was more precious than a pat on the back anyone has ever given me in my whole life!
I have since made read-aloud videos of his other books, and my sister tells me they can tell when he’s missing me as he would ask to watch those videos instead of his favorite movies.
My husband and I had big dreams for our son — we had hoped he would get a much better education than we did and be interested in learning. We were eager to let him study what we, in our youth, were unable to because our parents couldn’t afford them. We had dreams for him to fulfil OUR dreams.
But life happens.
Those dreams came crashing down with his diagnosis. I honestly do not think any parent can say they left the doctor’s office thankful for the ASD diagnosis of their children. An adult person with ASD can probably be thankful for the diagnosis as it leads to an understanding of oneself. But for a parent of a child with ASD , it is different, especially when that child is non-verbal, and E. at 2 years old was still not talking. So yes, it was devastating.
But as parents, we can only be resilient. Though it took my husband a few weeks to get out of his depression, once he did, he accepted the challenge of raising a son with autism.
Now we have a new dream for our son, a much simpler and more practical one: for E. to live independently and happily.
But to get there, he has to have better language ability. And I have not only hope, but also faith, that that day will come. That with the help of his teachers and therapists, who teach him patiently and his family who love him unconditionally, he will be able to use the language that has been stored in his brain all these years. That my son will be talking to me non-stop; and I promise to God, when that day comes, I will not complain that he won’t stop talking!
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Lens-Artists Photo Challenge: Unique
I had a wonderful time at the New England Aquarium and took lots of photos, but the one below of the jellyfish is my favorite. I find this shot the most unique among all the photos of creatures I photographed.
Have a unique week! 😉
T.
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Lens-artists challenge: Take a Break
Last week I took a break from my Philippine reality and flew to the States for the first time. Now that I’m back in my home country, those six days in the States seem just like a dream.
I took lots of photos while in NYC and Boston, but these ones below were taken while on an unplanned trip to New Jersey at the Liberty State Park. It was very quiet on a Friday afternoon. It was a welcome break from busy NYC!
After that long walk around the park which probably made up for one week of no dance workout, I had strawberry milkshake — a very welcome break!
Have a lovely week! 💕
T.
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World Trade Center, New York
I might have spent less than 24 hours in New York, but I walked a total of 9.2 miles (15.4km) in those hours. Whew.
Here are some photos I took of the Oculus, the World Trade Center Transportation Hub and the One World Trade Center.
Have a lovely weekend!
T. 💕
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Beautiful Day in Boston
We had beautiful weather today after two days of really hot weather and then a thunderstorm.
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Buildings in Boston
Fourth day in Boston, and there’s still so much to see!
I enjoyed the visit to the Harvard Art Museums, the Peabody Museum, Harvard Museum of Natural History, and the Wax Museum.
Looking forward to what I’ll see tomorrow!
Have a fun week!
T. 💕
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Lens-Artists Challenge: Serenity
Serenity. One of my favorite words, next to solitude.
In solitude
With nature,
I find serenity.
Lens-Artists Challenge: Serenity
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On Chekhov’s The Death of a Clerk: When Something Means Nothing
Hardly anyone can stop oneself from sneezing, so when a clerk, Ivan Dmitrich Cherviakov sneezed in the middle of an opera, he accidentally sprayed the man in front of him, a general who served in the Department of Transportation. (I know some people don’t think of covering their mouths when they cough or sneeze, so I’m guessing this main character is of that kind.) He apologized to the general who simply dismissed it as nothing of importance, but our hero was convinced that the general did not believe it was unintentional and thought of him (Cherviakov) as being rude. Hence, he tried to apologize again, even going to his office days after the incident. In the end the general got extremely annoyed with the clerk Cherviakov and yelled at him to get out of his office.
The clerk deeply affected by this treatment, went home and died.
Sometimes we tend to attach meaning to actions of people who may not have meant for those actions to mean anything. Simply put, we misunderstand/misread/misconstrue people’s actions.
Such is what happened with Cherviakov. He was convinced that he made a bad impression on the general and wanted to rectify it even after the general had said, “Never mind, never mind” and later, “I’ve already forgotten it, and you keep at it.” He could not accept the fact that the general was dismissive of something he thought was important. He misread the general’s annoyance with his (Cherviakov’s) pestering him for the latter’s refusal to accept his sincere apology.
This is all too common. I know I was guilty of this in my past relationship when I was young and very immature: I insisted on being offended over something so inconsequential just because I wanted attention.
Some people simply lack the capacity to ignore paltry matters. Everything has meaning even when there’s none.
It is not uncommon to hear from someone you know about how offended they felt about something that somebody had said to them, or the look that was thrown at them by somebody, although you may personally think that it was not intended to mean anything.
Especially on social media today — a friend may post something like a meme, and another will think it is directed at him.
These days people get offended so easily. When have we become so weak? Why can’t we be like the general and simply let go of minor nuisances? Why do we have to be like the clerk who kept harping on something that the general dismissed as nothing of importance and for which Cherviakov later died?
The only one we are hurting by being too concerned about trivial matters such as what the clerk experienced, is ourselves because realizing that nobody else cares about what we deem important will just hurt us even more.
Let’s not allow trivialities to annoy us to death. 😉
Happy weekend! 💕
T.
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What matters most to you?
Why do people feel the need to be always doing something exciting or at least perceived by other people as interesting? They put undue pressure on themselves to be perceived as an interesting person themselves. This sounds exhausting to me.
I can understand young people being under this kind of pressure because it is a normal phase of every person’s development. If you are past your 20’s , you still can’t be as obsessed with being the first one to discover a new bar or restaurant, to be the first one among your friends to have seen the latest Marvel movie, or to have climbed Mt. Everest. As an adult, you need to be out of that playground mentality. Though competition can be healthy in that it encourages you to better yourself, it ceases to be when you constantly compare yourself to others in every aspect of life and put yourself down for not reaching the standard you, yourself, have unnecessarily set to achieve.
Some lives are indeed more exciting than others given the nature of their occupations or their personalities. My life as a wife, mother, and teacher may not be as exciting as that of an artist or a single woman who is a paragliding instructor or a UN volunteer in a war-torn country, but who says there’s an ongoing competition as to who has the most exciting life? Given my personality, I don’t think I’ll find satisfaction doing what they do. We all have different personalities, talents. Hence we create our own stories about our lives. It’s not a competition.
This sense of competition is so obvious to me in daily life. For instance, I have been living away from home for almost 2 decades, and most of my friends have left the country. The ones who are still around I seldom see because when I’m home I spend most of my time with my son. When I go on Facebook I see photos of new places of interest in my city, and it makes me happy. When people ask me if I’ve been to such and such a place, and I say “No,” they have this incredulous look on their face as if I had just come out of a cave!
If I were still in my 20’s I would have gone to the place right away just to prove to them that first, I could afford to go. Second, that I was one of the “in” crowd. Third, that I will not be the last to know.
But I am in my 40’s, and knowing the latest gossip about celebrities or the newest restaurant in town, or what is currently “lit” is the least of my priorities.
I would rather know what my teenage nephew is learning at school; what new sentences my autistic son has learned to say; how my husband solved the problem at work; what my sisters are busy with; how my friend is coping with the big change in his life. These are more important to me than Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk calling it quits (though as a Bradley Cooper fan, that truly made me sad!)
I would rather go out for a quiet walk with my husband, read or sing to my son, read Dostoevsky, have coffee with my friend as I listen to him complain about life, or have a noisy meal at home with my sisters and nephews than go out with a group doing things that do not really interest me.
But then again each one of us is different. Some are more extroverted than others and prefer the company of more people in a variety of settings. Some of us, introverts, though are pressured into socializing — we are told we have to go out more often; it’s healthy for us to socialize; we have to widen our circle of friends. Is socialization always healthy though?
I force myself to socialize with a group once in a while, and most of the time I only get stress from it — it is too much of an effort. I prefer socializing with a friend one-on-one, but then again I have a very small circle of friends.
My point is: my life may not be as exciting as most people, to most people. But it is MY life, and I choose to live this way.
Something my friend said to me the other day made me think — that being away from home “so much has gone on you.”
Though it may be true that so much has changed in my home city or country in the last 17 years, that my cousins now have grandchildren or great-grandchildren that I have not even met; that my home city has more restaurants in an area I did not even know has been developed; that there’s a new TV series that everybody is talking about; that this or that celebrity has finally come out of the closet and I know nothing about these things — I am fine with it. It is life. There is so much going on every second in every corner of my small city. I cannot possibly make myself care about every thing that is going on in it. I am not bothered by the fact that I am the last to know.
I know myself and I know what matters to me. For as long as I know that the people who mean most to me are happy, healthy and safe — I’m good.
Everything else is for another time or others to care.
What matters most to you?
Have a lovely weekend! ♥️
T.
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Trees and Roots
(I do not know what this tree is called, so if you do I’d be very grateful if you could drop me a line in the comments section. Thanks! 🙏🏽)
Jimei, Xiamen, China
I’ve taken photos of these trees’ roots before for the Weekly Photo Challenge. The roots then were not as big as they are now.
Have a lovely Monday! 💕
T.
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Diet and workout update
Steamed spinach with tomatoes
Yesterday I decided not to use oil when cooking, so instead of having stir-fried vegetables for lunch, I am opting for steamed ones. I just added fresh tomatoes and onions to the steamed spinach and a bit of salt, pepper and soy sauce, and I had a really tasty lunch.
I’ve been serious about losing weight for almost 2 months now, and though I find it a bit slow I’ve lost 3 kg and my waistline is down by 2 inches! Yay for me!
A week ago, I was only doing 20-30-minute dance workouts confident that I would lose weight because I am on a 1000-calorie diet. But I’ve read several articles that said if you want to be healthy, a 15-20-minute exercise daily is good enough. However if you want to lose weight, you need at least an hour of exercise! And I’ve found out how true that is. Eating healthy and an hour of exercise daily for a week can surely show you positive results.
As for planking, I can hold a plank for a minute but after reading an article about waiting until you have really trimmed down before doing strengthening exercises, I just do it once a day.
It’s tough, but I am hopeful I can reach my goal. 😉 I’m sure you can, too!
Have a good week!
T.
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When the sky is blue and so are you
Jimei, Xiamen
“Blue skies
Smiling at me
Nothing but blue skies
Do I see.” — Irving Berlin
Jimei, Xiamen
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Lens-Artists Photo Challenge: Trees
I love trees. Here are photos of trees in some of the places I’ve been to:
Have a lovely weekend!♥️
T.
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Trying hard to stay healthy (and look younger!)
“But at my back I always hear, Time’s winged chariot hurrying near.” — Andrew Marvell, To His Coy Mistress
Peach tree sap/peach gum
Last week my husband made snow mushroom soup for me. It is what the Chinese call an anti-aging soup. That soup only had the snow mushroom, goji berries and dried dates.
Yesterday at the supermarket, as we walked by the Traditional Chinese Medicine section (there is one in every big supermarket here), he decided to add more ingredients to the next anti-aging soup he makes for me (he is more proactive in trying to make me look young than I am! Lol.)
This time he added lotus seeds, longans, peach tree gum and lily bulbs. Lily bulbs are supposedly good for the heart and lungs, too.
longans
lotus seeds
lily bulbs
I don’t know if these things actually work, but he wants and tries to get us to stay healthy, so I’ll give it a try!
Apart from watching what I eat, I have also started doing planks! This is the 5th day since I tried, and I can now hold a plank for 40 seconds, and it feels awesome to be able to do it.
I used to think it was hopeless for me to lose the stomach flab, but after watching this video of an 80-year old bodybuilder, I was truly inspired. Discipline. 😉 A healthy diet and regular exercise with tons of discipline — that’s all the recipe I need.
Have a lovely, healthy weekend!💕
T.
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A healthy and enjoyable lunch
I went to the island today for some errands and stopped by to see a friend. She was glad to hear I’ve been trying to eat healthy food, and we agreed to have a healthy lunch together. I told her I was OK with whatever she ordered, and I was not disappointed. Two of the dishes she ordered were so good, I just had to take a picture of them: the spinach and dried scallop soup and stir-fried mushrooms.
Lunch with my friend is always enjoyable as I enjoy listening to her talk just about everything. She is several years oder than I am, and I always feel I learn something new every time I have lunch with her as she can explain so many things to me about economics and politics.
I had a wonderful time, and I was happy I was able to enjoy lunch without ruining my diet!
Have a lovely Monday!💕
T.
Got a table by the window, but … buildings
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Lens-Artists Challenge: Wild
It was very hot and humid yesterday, but I insisted that we went out for a walk at 6pm. The sun had not set yet, and my husband said we could compete as to who could find the smallest mushroom. I didn’t find the smallest one, nor this one but I took these photos myself.
Happy Sunday! 💕
T.
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Photo Challenge: Favorite Things
Happy to discover a photo challenge.
Here are some of my favorite things (and things to do!)
Dessert!
Flowers
Sitting on my balcony at sunset … musing
Jimei, Xiamen
Sunset by the beach
Panglao, Bohol
Happy Sunday!
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On fake and real hunger
Yesterday I had a pretty good lunch and snacked on a banana after a couple of hours. Around 5 o’clock as I was preparing to go food shopping, I felt hungry. Then I thought, “How could I be hungry again?” But I decided I was not going to eat anything until after I got back home. And that’s exactly what I did and actually forgot the feeling of hunger while shopping.
From what I’ve read, there is actually such a thing as “fake hunger. ” We may feel “hungry” even just an hour after lunch, but this may be because that cheesecake just looks so tempting (I swear I can hear cheesecake calling out to me every time I see one!) Or perhaps we are stressed and need to comfort ourselves with food that we like; or we may be surrounded by people we like and to spend more time with them, we order more food.
Next time you feel hungry, ask yourself if it’s real or you are just dealing with something that can be solved not by increasing your calorie intake, but by doing something healthier — drinking more water, doing exercise, talking with people, etc.
Webmd has a good article on checking whether you are truly hungry or not.
Stir-fried tofu
Have a lovely weekend! 💕
T.
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Not Today
Sunset in Jimei
The bottle will remain unopened.
That pack of cigarettes will stay unsmoked.
Those cheesecakes calling me as I walk past the bakery will be ignored.
And the backups won’t be hearing from me anytime soon.
For as long as there’s a teeny bit of will left in me…
You’re not winning again.
Not today.
——
Be strong. You are loved. ♥️
T.
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Another week of healthy eating
Celery, Cucumber and Apple Smoothie
Normally I try not to talk about my little achievements if I have not reached my ultimate goal yet. I have this superstition that it will be jinxed if I talk about it. But last week I wrote about my diet, and the weekend passed without me ruining it. So here I am writing something more about my diet.
Some vegetables I used to ignore have become interesting in my eyes, simply because I am looking for variety. Before I came to China, I seldom ate vegetables. This is true of most Filipinos. We love our lechon and meat too much. So one thing I’m truly happy about coming to China is learning to love and cook veggies. And fungi!
I had never eaten mushrooms before I came to China, but these days one of my favorite ingredients for cooking is the king oyster mushroom.
king oyster mushrooms
I use this kind of mushroom to replace meat, and I just love it! I cooked it with celery the other day, and today with eggplant.
King oyster mushrooms are abundant in China, but I have never seen this kind in my home city in the Philippines. I will surely miss this when I go home for good!
This evening I tried the cucumber, celery and apple smoothie after coming across this recipe. It’s not my favorite smoothie, but it’s good enough for variety.
I hope I can stick to my healthy diet (and silly dancing) so I’ll be strong and healthy for a busy but fun summer with my son!
Have a healthy, happy Monday!
T.
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On getting over a breakup
Saw these lovely hydrangeas by the roadside in Vancouver
Though the last time I broke up with anybody was over 15 years ago, I can’t help but be reminded of the pain of breaking up every time I log on to my Facebook and see posts about recovering from a broken heart. The pain I went through was something I will never wish on anyone, not even the people I don’t like that much. But then again, one does become stronger and smarter after a breakup.
The other day I saw this excerpt of an article that cited a theory on recovering from a failed relationship that said, “… after half the length of a relationship passes, you’ll be good as new (in other words, if you dated for a year, you’ll be fine in 6 months).” I thought it was silly. (The article did go on to say there’s no “actual science to back up the claim.”) So I thought I’d ask my Facebook friends how long it took them to get over a breakup. It was quite interesting getting answers from my friends, some of whom I have not seen in decades!
No time to cry
A few of my friends said they have no idea what a breakup is as they are happily married to their first boyfriend/girlfriend. Though some may think people like these missed out, I think my friends are truly blessed!
Getting over what?
Whereas the first group did not experience breaking up because it ended in marriage, this second group is made up of people who found someone new right after or just before the breakup, and so the excitement of meeting someone new overtook whatever little pain (or guilt?) there could be in ending the relationship.
Too cool to mope
Some people are too cerebral when it comes to relationships. Some of those I asked said it took them a week to 3 weeks to get over the relationship. Less than a month! One guy friend said to me, “The more you mope, the more you lose.” Yikes! But yes, I do admire them. I told my one friend that’s exactly the reason he has been my idol for years!
Out of sight, out of mind
Not as cerebral as the previous group, but still considering themselves too cool to mope, this group recovered in less than a year. Average is 2 months. One friend who is now happily married said she could easily forget especially if she did not see the person anymore. Hmmm.
Love hurts
The more one has given into the relationship, the more painful it is to watch it end. These relationships ended after several years of being together and, for some, having children together. Hence, letting go was not easy; but after a few years (1-10 years) they were finally able to forgive and move on. One friend said it may seem unbelievable to some that it took her ten years to move on, but that it was really true. I believed her. It took me 10 years as well.
One friend told me 15 years passed before he could say he got over his ex.
A couple of friends told me it will take a lifetime. I guess because the breakup just happened recently.
And another friend said, “We remember our exes from time to time, no matter how [much] we pretend we’re over them.” But then again, remembering is different from wishing things had not gone the way they did or that they could be the way they were.
Reading my friends’ responses to my question convinced me even more that time does heal all wounds. I know 15 years may sound like forever, but just live your life. You don’t even have to try to forget because there is no way you will forget. There will just come a time when you realize you don’t think about them anymore; that when you actually do, there’s no pain or anger anymore. It will come when you least expect it. But it will definitely come.
May you find the strength to move on. A blessed weekend!
T.
Jimei
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A week of healthy eating
I survived a week of no rice, no bread, no pasta. It was all veggies and the occasional egg. There was no dancing for three days because my schedule didn’t allow it, but I still lost weight!
Last year I had trouble sleeping because I was hungry after not eating anything later than 4pm. But now I eat crackers or a banana in the evening and sleep through the night.
For lunch today I made salad and sautéed king oyster mushroom and added celery. The mushroom and celery mix was so good! I will not miss pork or beef at all if I have this kind of mushroom.
Hope you reach your goal of losing weight and staying healthy!
T.
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Nanputuo Temple
I have been to so many temples in China, and the most impressive ones I’ve been to are up north. After visiting so many temples over the years, I no longer have any interest in visiting another one. But as we had a guest who was in Xiamen for the first time, we took him to Nanputuo Temple.
Nanputuo was first built during the Tang Dynasty (618-907 A.D.) It was destroyed during the war around 1300s and rebuilt in the 1600s.
Many practicing Buddhists come, but there are probably more tourists.
When I first came to China I did not really think of a temple as a place of worship because most people were just taking pictures. But one Christmas at the church where I used to go, tourists came inside the church during mass and took pictures of the altar and the priest. I was at first shocked, and then angry. When I calmed down I realized the rudeness of these people were due to ignorance. They thought the mass was a show, like a concert.
Although I had never misbehaved in a temple, I became more conscious of my actions in a temple which may be misinterpreted by Buddhists.
Nanputuo can get very crowded especially during weekends, but if you visit Xiamen, it is one of those must-see places. It is right next to Xiamen University, which has a beautiful campus.
Nanputuo also has a vegetarian restaurant, which serves a variety of delicious vegetarian dishes. But if you are not vegetarian, there are countless restaurants nearby to choose from. One good thing about going to touristy places in China is you will always find some place to buy food!
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Losing Weight: Inspiration + Discipline
(This is about my experience, and I know not everyone has the same experience. But there are people like me out there, and this is for them.)
I’ve been trying to lose weight for as long as I can remember, but it has been on and off as my weight fluctuates. I started gaining weight and actually became a little overweight on my last year in university and my first year working. Then I went to study Latin dance and lost weight and was my ideal weight for a couple of years until my heart was broken and I became depressed and resorted to stress eating. Then I had the opportunity to move to another country. When my husband and I first met he was so thin and I was overweight, but he liked me anyway. I tried to lose weight, and I did and was quite happy with how I looked in my wedding gown three years later. After 4 years I had a baby and since then I have not been successful in reaching my target weight. My son is now 8 years old.
Looking back, my recipe for losing weight back then was: inspiration/challenge and discipline. I was inspired to lose weight because I wanted to look nice for my then-boyfriend. I was challenged to lose weight after I realized I couldn’t wear the dress I liked because it wouldn’t fit me. There were times I was challenged to lose weight because a guy I liked, liked a girl who was so skinny! As an older person now I find those inspiration/challenges seemed really silly but they helped me lose weight! The point is we need something to inspire us or drive us to want to lose weight.
At this period in my life, my first and most important reason for wanting to lose weight is to be healthy. As my son is on the Autism Spectrum Disorder and has several delays in most skills yet growing taller and heavier everyday, I need to stay healthy to still be able to handle him even when he becomes taller than I in a couple of years. This is real and serious inspiration.
Next comes discipline. Discipline means exercise and diet. Those times I lost weight I was either going to dance lessons, dancing in front of the TV (there are lots of dance workout videos available) or running almost everyday. The important thing was I was physically active. Apart from exercise, I also went on a diet. Diet did not mean not eating, but reducing the portion. I have always believed in Aristotle’s idea of moderation in everything.
I put exercise and diet under discipline because these two indeed demand discipline. There were times when I became lazy or tempted to eat more than what I needed, and it took a lot of self-control to get myself to workout or say no to more food. Again, that inspiration/challenge helped me stick to discipline.
And as once again I am trying to lose weight, I am also trying to stick to my recipe of challenge + discipline. So far I have been doing well as I am not home yet (I always put on weight when I go home to the Philippines, where everything, especially eating, is more fun!! The real challenge will be spending the summer back home.)
Right now I have started shedding a couple of pounds, and I have to thank my husband who has also become health conscious when he reached 40. Like me, he realized how important it is for both of us to stay healthy for our son. Though he does not exercise as much as I do (I dance in front of the TV everyday) as he is always busy at work, we both try to eat healthy by eating more vegetables and fruits and less meat and bread/rice.
Like I said, so far so good. I hope you find your inspiration and add lots of discipline to achieve your goal.
Good luck!
T.
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On Friendships, Secrets and Hemingway
— Jeanette Winterson.
Friends are people with whom you share some of your deepest secrets, with the hope and faith that they would carry these secrets with them to the grave. But as it is, some friends are simply incapable of keeping secrets. If your friend is married, know for sure that your friend’s spouse will know your secret. In today’s world, especially among young people there doesn’t seem to be any secrets at all. The idea of “secret” seems to be dying. Everything is posted on social media for the world to know.
Still, how would you feel if you actually had an extremely embarrassing secret and told your best friend about it, and the next day when you woke up, you checked your Twitter only to find out you have become famous after your friend had posted your embarrassing secret on Twitter for everyone on Twitterverse to enjoy making memes about?
Since last year I had been re-reading Hemingway, but this year was the first time I read “A Moveable Feast.” I enjoyed reading it until I reached the part where he wrote about Fitzgerald. And I was just disappointed.
When I started reading it, I did not think of it as a memoir and simply enjoyed his description of his life in Paris — his struggles, the people he met and spoke with and his impressions of them. I did not even mind so much the things he wrote about Gertrude Stein as I did not feel there was real friendship between them.
But with Fitzgerald it was different. Here was someone who trusted him, and told him something very personal, obviously in confidence, and he wrote about it for all the world to read and know about a very private thing about someone he considered his friend.
I guess writers, artists have been doing this for ages — writing about someone in their life including what has been told them in confidence — and not thinking about how their revelation will impact the life not only of the one they are writing about, but also of those related to the person, their spouse, children, great-grandchildren.
If Hemingway had made an effort to protect his friend, he would not have been so explicit in sharing Fitzgerald’s problem to the world. He was quite careful in not saying so much about his then-wife and child, which shows that he could have refrained from revealing too much about Fitzgerald. As it is, the part on Fitzgerald just came out gossipy and not a gentlemanly thing to say at all.
Maybe it’s just me, but reading “A Moveable Feast” changed my mind about Hemingway, especially that he said this about Dostoevsky, my favorite author, “How can a man write so badly, so unbelievably badly and make you feel so deeply?” This book made me “feel so deeply” but not in a good way.
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Responsibility, Emotional Maturity and Heartbreak
When someone I am genuinely close to (like one of my best friends or my sisters) makes what I think is a poor decision or does something I find childish, I tend to say, “Jeez, how old are you?” Of course, they are free to say the same thing to me when they think I’m being silly. But they have “nicer” words to say!
How old are you really?
We, humans, have three types of ages: chronological, biological and psychological age.
Our chronological age is the number of years we have been alive. Our biological age refers to the age of our body’s systems. Some people who are 50 years old may have the body (health) of a 40-year old. One who is 25 years old may have a biological age of 50. Finally our psychological age refers to our cognitive functioning and emotional maturity. Some people may be 50 but have the cognitive ability and emotional maturity of a teenager! ( Like someone I know who thinks he has the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old! Self-awareness is important though!)
This is just my observation: if a person does not like or fears becoming responsible for another person, it will be difficult for that person to reach emotional maturity. Being in a relationship where you are committed to one person whose happiness means more to you than your own happiness is a stepping stone to reaching emotional maturity. I think this is why most of us in our youth go through that period of becoming head over heels in love with somebody who later breaks our heart into tiny pieces that we feel can never be put back together again. But the truth is, as we find out, our hearts are only as resilient as we want them to be.
If we have gone through heartbreak and are mindful of our experiences, we can prevent ourselves from going through the same heartbreak again. Mindfulness is necessary in achieving emotional maturity. Something I learned in my early twenties as a young woman trying to become a nun which I value to this day is how we sometimes fall into a pattern of behavior, and I witnessed myself several times over the past decade almost getting suck into a pattern again. Fortunately for me, I have more responsibilities and commitments; I know my priorities, and I am much more aware of myself and my weaknesses.
My point is, one does not have to suffer so many heartbreaks if one truly endeavors to learn something from the experience.
You can extricate yourself from the pattern if you sincerely want to free yourself of it. But you have to want it. If you do not have other responsibilities and commitments you can anchor yourself into, it will be even more difficult to disentangle yourself from this pattern.
Are you stuck in a pattern? Does the same story of heartache keep playing out in your life?
Look within.
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Buffet at North Bay in Jimei
If you ever find yourself hungry in Jimei, try the buffet at Cafe Realm at North Bay Hotel. (No, this is not a paid ad. I wish it were. Maybe I should ask? Lol.)
This weekend I was fortunate to have had Saturday lunch and Sunday dinner at North Bay. It made me smile when the guy who prepares the sashimi recognized me, said “Hello!” and spoke to me in English. He knows I love salmon!
The buffet includes a soup selection, and seafoods, barbecue/steak, rice and pasta, fruits, Chinese, Japanese and western dishes, ice cream (local and Haagen Dazs) and what I love best — the pastry selection! All you can eat cheesecake and many other sinfully delicious cakes!
They also offer a variety of fruit drinks, coffee, milk, soda, Budweiser. In the evening they serve wine as well.
North Bay Hotel, Jimei, Xiamen
Lunch: 11:30 – 2:00 P.M.
Dinner: 5:30 – 9:00 P.M.
Price: 26-28 USD
Now, I hope North Bay sees this and rewards me! 😉
Have a lovely week! 💕
T.
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Guangzhou Baiyun International Airport
I’ve been in Guangzhou several times, and each time I had a wonderful time, partly because of my friend who’s always good company and partly because I like Guangzhou for its size and the seeming vivacity of the people. (It seems there are more young people in GZ than in Xiamen.)
When I was here in 2010, the Baiyun International Airport was already in operation, but there were not as many shops as there are now. I remember thinking back then it was like a mall. Today, in some areas, you can forget you’re in an airport.
There are places for mothers and their babies. There’s also a play area for bigger kids.
One other thing that I like about this airport is the announcement in both Chinese and English is much clearer than in other airports (in Xiamen, for instance. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE Xiamen, but at the airport you have to listen very carefully to understand their announcements in English!)
The only thing that disappoints me is at 5:30 in the morning I couldn’t find an open shop that serves coffee!
I need my coffee!!!
Still, I look forward to coming back to GZ. 😊
Have a beautiful Friday!
P.S.
At 6:00 AM, Mickey D opened. The staff spoke English! And best of all I got me coffee!
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Netflix’s “After Life” and the Cycle of Depression and Self-Absorption
Alona Beach, Panglao, Bohol, Philippines
I am glad that I was told about “After Life” as I positively enjoyed every single episode. My friend and I agreed in our thinking that it’s not black comedy. Yes, it addresses the subject of death and suicide and Alzheimer’s but it does so with delicacy and compassion and with an adequate amount of humor that only heightens the pain of reality. I prefer to categorize it as dramedy.
(If you haven’t watched it, then you may not want to continue reading.)
Though he’s not my favorite character, I admire Tony’s brother-in-law for his quiet strength. Frail-looking and too kind for most people, he is able to live his life with all the problems without complaining to or bothering others about it. He represents the many mature people who selflessly help others without being asked in return how they, themselves, are faring in this life.
And then there’s depressed, self-absorbed Tony. Though we can understand and even empathize with him in his pain over losing his wife and best friend, and we admire his devotion to his late wife, we may also want to shake him into waking up to reality which is that he actually has a good life — much better than most people, and the only reason he is depressed is he is focusing on what he lost, not what he still has which is so much more than what majority of humanity have.
I understand that we all experience grief when we lose someone we love, but we are not supposed to be entombed in that grief among the living. Unless one has damage in the brain, I believe we are all capable of recovering from this emotional pain, suffering, or depression.
(I love how the scenes are shot mostly in the day time or in well-lit rooms. It reinforces the overall optimism that this show presents.)
Tony has people around him who truly care about him. Even the new employee, Sandy, likes him instantly and asks him to be happy. His brother-in-law tolerates him, forgives him for his nastiness, and helps him in every way he can even though he has his own problems.
Tony has a job which may not be the best, but he likes his co-workers who are all good people.
The old widow he meets at the cemetery has more wisdom than the therapist he pays to help him. And he did not have to pay her for getting him out of his self-absorption.
What truly saved Tony in the end is his desire for the pain to stop. Julian was right in saying that Tony had not given up on life yet. Tony just needed to find the right way to get the pain to stop, and thankfully he had the patience and the right people around him to help him. Personally, I think it is most important that one believes and knows that the pain will eventually come to an end. That cliche, “Time heals all wounds,” has always been true.
When you stop focusing all your energy on your pain, and see how others are hurting worse than you are, and if you knowingly try to open your eyes to others’ needs and make an effort to make somebody happy, you’ll be surprised at how, little by little, the pain will subside. And in its place will be peace, and probably even joy that somehow in your own little way, you have made this world a better place by simply being you.
Look around you.
May you find joy in life. 🙏🏽💕
T.
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Bohol Cathedrals
La Purisima Concepcion de la Virgen Maria Parish Church (also The Immaculate Conception of the Virgin Mary Parish Church), commonly known as Baclayon Church, is a Roman Catholic Church in the municipality of Baclayon, Bohol, Philippines within the jurisdiction of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Tagbilaran. Baclayon was founded by the Jesuit priest Juan de Torres and Gabriel Sánchez in 1596, and became the oldest Christian settlement in Bohol. It was elevated as a parish in 1717 and the present coral stone church was completed in 1737. The Augustinian Recollects succeeded the Jesuits in 1768 and heavily renovated the church since then. (from Wikipedia)
Reconstruction after a 7.2 magnitude earthquake in 2013 caused major damage to the church was completed in 2017.
Dauis Church
Our Lady of Assumption Church is locally known as Nuestra Señora de la Asunción. It is constructed of solid rocks or stones and has paintings on the walls. There is a tower with a bell, outside the church another tower and also a small well. The front face of the church collapsed during the earthquake in 2013. (From Wikipedia)
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Would you rather be beautiful/handsome or hot? 😉
A week ago, one of my best friends who is dating someone new, asked me what kind of compliments women liked to hear. He had thought I’d be flattered when he said my hair looked beautiful, but instead I simply answered, “I already know I have beautiful hair.” [insert wicked laughter]
But I did say that I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with hearing, “You look beautiful” because I know I never looked or even felt beautiful. And that is not being insecure or belittling myself. That is simply the truth. Other women would probably like to hear men tell them they’re beautiful. Everyone’s different.
My husband often tells me I am cute, and he has the same look on his face as a person who looks fondly at a puppy, when he says that to me. I guess I look like a pet to him. It’s not romantic, but it’s good enough for me.
When I asked my friend what compliment he would prefer this new woman to say to him, he said he would indubitably choose to hear that he is “hot” except that nobody has ever said that to him [he gets “handsome” too many times; it has no effect on him.]
Then I thought to myself, perhaps all men feel like this — they prefer to be seen as sexually attractive rather than just aesthetically attractive. My curiosity led me to ask around 90 people, co-workers, students (current and former) and some Facebook friends (I know and have met every single person I have as friend on Facebook) from 14 to 65 years old the question (with a slight variation from the original one)
Which (compliment) would you prefer to hear from a person of the opposite sex:
a. you look cute
b. you look great
c. you look beautiful/handsome
d. you look hot
(A few of my friends clarified that they would only expect it from a person with whom they are quite familiar.)
The answers I got were quite revealing. Majority of Chinese girls (19-25) and Filipino teenagers (boys and girls) prefer to be perceived as “cute.” Even my 16-year-old nephew picked “cute,” which I truly doubt! I had asked him the question in a group chat with him and my sisters (his mom included!) I am quite certain he wasn’t being honest!
Most of my male friends (except the ones I’m quite familiar with) chose “you look great.” When I asked them why they chose b, they said it is “all-encompassing.” One friend said he is too realistic and too old to desire to be called “hot” but if he were 25, then “hot” it would definitely be. Only very few of my male friends, 7 in fact (my 3 best friends and 4 other men I’ve known for years and have always been pretty transparent about their lives with me) admitted they prefer to be called “hot.”
Most of my female friends (ages 30-50) picked “you look great” or “you look beautiful.” Just like the men, they said “you look great” covers everything. But one friend said, “you look great” is boring! She and 6 other female friends (hey, just realized that’s 7 men and 7 women! Dang!) picked “you look hot.” These are women in their mid-40s to 50’s.
My one friend who is in her 30’s and has always been considered “hot” by everyone we know, picked “you look beautiful.” When I asked her why she didn’t choose d, she said she hears it too often that she just wants to be seen for what she is inside, spiritually, (not just inside her clothes). Hmm. I wonder what it’s like to be always told “you look hot!”
Only one friend, my classmate in high school, whom I haven’t seen in 20 years, gave me an answer that I’m sure 99% of my friends would have chosen had it been one of the choices. He said he would pick “e” that says: I’ll give you lots of money!
Note: majority of my friends are Asian. I am sure the results would be different if I included more non-Asians!
Which would you pick?
Have a fun weekend!💕
T.
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“Do not Go Gentle into that Good Night”
Three years ago this month, I lost my mother. And every year this month, I buy flowers (pictured below) that I put next to her photograph. Every year in March, as I look at both flowers and my mom’s photograph, I am reminded of the uncertainty of life, of its ephemerality and the sadness that comes with being left behind by those who go before us.
This month my musing on the transiency of life is made even sadder by the thought of 2 of my best friends facing serious illnesses. My 3 best friends, unlike me who wanted to die at 20, have always wanted to live long, happy, healthy lives.
For the lovers of life, I hope you never lose that WILL to live even when doctors give you that diagnosis that sounds like a death sentence. I hope in your heart will burn that desire to prove the doctors wrong and that you “RAGE against the dying of the light.” ♥️
T.
Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night
by Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
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Bohol Butterflies
These butterflies are from the Butterfly Garden in Loay, Bohol.
I wanted to take more pictures, but my 8-year-old son wasn’t interested in butterflies. He found the pythons more interesting. Sigh.
Hope you like these photos.
A blessed Ash Wednesday!🙏🏽
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Something to warm the heart on a cold, rainy day
It’s a cold and rainy day, and my apartment has become too quiet for me, so I decided to bring my work to the McDonald’s in the mall across the street from our university.
A few minutes after I sat down, a young woman with a baby sat a few tables across from mine. She was having a difficult time watching the baby, making sure he won’t fall down from the chair as she tried to get something from the baby bag. Another young woman at the next table looked like she wanted to help, but as most Chinese do, she probably did not want to seem like intruding.
When their food came, the young mother (she has to be the mother) became busy with arranging the food on the tray and just for a few seconds perhaps, forgot what the baby was up to. And it turned out the baby had reached for the cup of milk tea and spilled the whole thing. The young mother panicked a little as she called for the crew. Two McD staff calmly came over and even smiled at the mother, cleaned the mess, and one of them later brought her another cup of milk tea.
Before they left, the young mother apologized to the staff and the same man who had helped her earlier just smiled (I couldn’t hear what he said) and also said something to the baby.
Why am I writing about this? Obviously because this is something I don’t often see, especially here in Jimei where workers often look so unhappy and unhelpful.
So, I am grateful to the staff of McDonald’s in Jimei Wanda for making this cold and rainy Jimei day feel warm.
Have a beautiful Tuesday!💕
T.
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A Quiet Walk on Lantern Festival
After 6 busy weeks in the Philippines, I am back in very quiet Jimei. Blissfully quiet for now, except for the occasional firecrackers in the distance, as the students are not back from their holiday yet.
Though I miss my son already, I am thankful for the quiet walk I had this afternoon, something that I did not have a chance to do back home.
Every now and then I need to be alone with my thoughts, and today I got the chance.
Here’s what the campus looks like for now.
No basketball games
Happy Lantern Festival!🎉🏮
T.
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Beautiful Alona Beach, Bohol
The first time I went to Bohol was in 2002 to attend a Young Writers’ Conference. It was a very quiet place then. I don’t remember seeing tourists.
Bohol looks so different now.
Here are photos of Alona Beach in Panglao, Bohol, Philippines at different times of the day.
Noon time when we arrived
sunset
early morning
early morning
Have a lovely week! 💕
T.
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On Autism and Feeling Left Out
Eli at Panglao, Bohol
Today I read an article written by a mom who says that as a parent of a child with autism, she feels isolated. And one parent commented that she feels the same, that nobody invites her son to anything, and so she never gets invited to anything either.
I used to feel hurt am that nobody invites Eli to birthday parties. But after a year, I DECIDED not to let it bother me. For one, I cannot stand the noise of kids for so long. Eli cannot stand the sound of screaming or crying children either. He is more comfortable around older children or adults. However I do throw a birthday party for him and for the last three years, I had McDonald’s in my city organize it, the first year at their store and the last two years at his special education school. His classmates had so much fun especially when the mascot came out. This year’s was the noisiest party so far , but Eli was fine with it because he already knows his classmates and teachers, and the mascot no longer scares him. I had a headache from all the noise, but seeing Eli so calm amid the raucous, and his classmates, most of whom are minimally verbal, participating in the games and so excited to see the mascot, was fulfilling.
For the last three years, I always gave a few party bags from Eli’s party to the kids with special needs at the public school special needs center, and they were always happy to get stuff from McD. Their smiles and thank-you’s were enough to make me happy.
I understand some parents’ feelings of isolation, but I guess what I want to say is, we don’t have to feel this way. We don’t have to feel sorry for ourselves because we can do something about this. Instead of waiting for people to reach out to us, we can take the initiative. And we don’t have to reach out to those who cannot accept our children’s condition, we really do not need them in our lives. There are people out there who not only understand and accept our autistic children for who and what they are but also appreciate them for their specialness and our struggles at raising such children.
It is very difficult for Eli to have friends save for his two cousins and my cousins’ son and daughter. Neurotypical kids will always see him as strange, and I don’t blame them. They are children. I have witnessed several times how Eli tried to go near such children, and how they looked at him and moved away from him. It hurt me, but I’m almost sure it disappointed him more. But this is reality. In time he will learn what everyone of us should learn, not everyone can be a friend. Not everyone can be accepting of who we are, but there are those who do care, and they are the ones that matter. There is no need to be friends with people who are embarrassed by us. They are not worth our time or energy. Remember there ARE people who will be very grateful for our time and attention. We should give it to them instead.
Life is not all roses, even for neurotypical people. We can only try to live it the best we can for ourselves and more importantly, for our children on the spectrum.
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Fear, Fascination and Autism
There are many things that can make Eli, my 8-year-old son on the spectrum , happy and very few that terrify him. To neurotypical adults, it would seem silly to be scared by the sound of a hair or hand dryer, or a blender or coffee grinder or a drill, but these are sounds that have a different effect on my son and other autistic kids like him. Thankfully, the noise from crowds don’t bother him anymore, and the hair dryer we have at home does not bother him as much as it did before. If we use the coffee grinder, he would just leave the kitchen.
Still there’s so much I envy my son for — one of which is his lack of fear of things that terrify most people I know, from tiny creatures like cockroaches or spiders to pythons. When we went to a zoo in Bohol last week,our guide showed us this yellow python. Thinking my husband was holding Eli’s hand, I couldn’t help screaming when I saw him already inside the cage with the guide. He was the only one inside the cage with the guide who showed him how to pet this beautifully yellow python. None of us adult tourists dared to go in, but Eli did and seemed to really enjoy touching the snake.
Eli also loves the ocean. Unfortunately he doesn’t know how to swim yet. Just like me and my husband, Eli can sit (or stand) on the beach for a long time just looking at the waves or the horizon. The ocean is mesmerizing. He is most calm when he is on the beach. On our last evening in Bohol, he and his father watched the sunset until it got too dark to see anything on the ocean, but I guess he was listening to the sound of the waves, and that too is mesmerizing.
But Eli has no sense of the danger of the ocean especially for people who cannot swim. And if no one is watching him, he will just keep walking towards the water. From what I’ve read, most autistic kids and adults are drawn to water, and in fact when an autistic person goes missing, the first area rescuers would search is a body of water.
The “fearlessness” of our autistic kids may be admirable sometimes, but we also have to remember that fear is one way we, humans, protect ourselves from danger, and if our “fearless” kids are not aware of the dangers that their fascination with certain things poses, it will not be good for them.
Have a lovely and safe Sunday! 💕
T.
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Because there’s no such thing as forever…
I saw a picture of a huge graffiti on a wall in my city that read: WALANG FOREVER (There’s no forever) and shared it with my family, joking that whoever wrote it must have been really hurting. But my ever-serious 16-year-old nephew replied: “There really is no forever.” To which I said: “But that’s not what Kenny Loggins said!”
When I checked on Google, there is actually a good number of people asking why “forever” is promised by people in love when everyone knows this is a mere impossibility. I did not bother reading the answers because I think we all know what the answer to that is.
And I am not going to dwell on the reason people say it, but rather on the benefit of there being no forever.
I learned this years ago when I was young and naive and stupidly in love with the most unromantic man I have ever met. We were walking in a quiet, wooded area, dead leaves crackling under our shoes as we walked. I looked up when I heard the sound of the leaves as a gentle breeze blew. It was such a beautiful moment, walking with the man who meant the world to me then. So I told him. And he said casually, “You know why this is so beautiful now? It’s because you know it’s not going to last.” At that time, it made me feel so sad, but now whenever I think of it, I am grateful that at that moment, I learned to appreciate things that have a short life span.
Now when my husband leaves for work in the morning and says goodbye to me, no matter how busy I am, I stop whatever I’m doing and give him my full attention.
As I travel every month, I say a proper goodbye to my family and friends because who knows, we may never see each other again (that plane could … you know?)
This is not to dismiss the anguish of those who are suffering, but I sometimes think those who are told they only have this or that much time to live have the benefit of preparing not only themselves but also their loved ones of the former’s impending departure.
A few months before my mother’s demise, I was telling bestfriend no.2 what a terrible time it was watching my mother suffer. And as usual, he was his brutally honest self and said to me, “This time in your mother’s suffering is God’s gift to you, her children. You will become so tired from not having enough sleep and in pain watching her suffer, you will eventually be ready to let her go.” He was speaking from experience, of course. He gave up his own dreams to take care of his father for two years until his father’s death from pancreatic cancer.
And he was right. Although it was a stressful, exhausting time, we — my mother, my sisters and I — were given enough time to prepare ourselves for what was going to happen, so the last few days were filled with kind words, sweet smiles, lots of tears, of course, but they were tears of love.
The beauty of there being no forever is that we then see beauty in everything, and we appreciate everything, and are thankful for everything.
We become better people when we remember there’s no such thing as forever. Or at least we should.
May we always try to become better people. 💕
T.
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Gratitude and Optimism
Yesterday I saw a video called “Life Lessons from 100-Year-Olds,” and it brought tears to my eyes. If you have time, watch it. I’m sure everyone can learn a thing or two from these centenarians.
I think it was fortuitous to have seen that video on the last day of the year, as it reminded me to look back at my own life during the past year (well, I am always looking back, lol) and to count my blessings and be grateful even though 2018 saw me inwardly distraught about a number of things that I could not talk about with loved ones, as I do not want to spread negative vibes.
Today is the first day of 2019. I will try my very best to continue to be grateful and to believe that everything will be all right.
I hope you do as well.
Happy New Year!🎉💕
T.
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Change, Challenges, Moving On
Jimei sky on a winter noon
Introverted, routine-oriented people like me get disoriented when something not part of the routine takes place. The occasional lunch with co-workers is always a task, even though they are nice people, simply because it’s not part of my daily routine, and I always make an effort to be an interesting or even just a lively person (I personally find it rude when a person joins you for a meal and looks miserable. I’d rather that person refuse to join me for a meal than be with me looking unhappy. Hence, my effort at being an interesting/lively rather than boring companion.)
This disorientation is magnified when bigger events occur in my life, like when some 16 years ago, my then-boyfriend left the country (and me!) and all of a sudden, I was left to make plans for the day for only myself. “What will I do with this much time all to myself?” I went to work moving about like a zombie for months!
When my mother died, I felt so vulnerable whenever I remembered (actually, I still do) that I no longer have a “prayer warrior.” In the past whenever I had a problem, I would just pick up the phone and call my mother long-distance and ask her to pray for me. I know it sounds so immature for a grown woman to be depending on her mother so much, but that was all I depended on my mother for. I never asked her for anything else after graduating from university. Just prayers. Still, when she died, I was at a loss not having anyone to call to ask for prayers. I mean I could have called my sisters or some of my friends, but with my mother I was assured that her prayers were most fervent because she was praying for her youngest daughter, the only one to leave her side to work in another country.
When introverted, routine-oriented people like me are put in a new situation, we tend to have an extremely difficult time adapting to change. We may seem to look like we are coping well with the change, but deep inside, the challenge is overwhelming. Yet, we survive and I think our introversion has much to do with it. As introverts, we rely on very few people, but more important and this is most helpful, we rely on ourselves the most. Slowly we learn to start a new routine, and we recover in due time.
And we move on. In due time.
May you find the courage to adapt to change, face challenges and move on.
Happy New Year! Happy New Life!💕🎉
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“This is Us” and Bran Stark: A Lesson in Understanding and Compassion
You read that right.
Two of my favorite TV series this decade are GoT and This is Us, and I am glad that both shows support my theory on compassion, which I’ve written about on this blog a couple of times.
I just started watching “This is Us,” and I haven’t even finished watching the first season yet, but already this show has made me cry so many times, not because it’s sentimental but because the characters and their stories are so real and so relatable. No one is extremely bad nor extremely good. They are ordinary people, even the Hollywood actor seems normal (and he does admit he is normal and contrasts himself with the stage actress who is not true to herself.) The stories that really speak to me are the loss of a child, the loss of a father, the worries about starting a family — all those feelings I had when those things happened to me came back as fresh as if they happened yesterday, and it was a cathartic experience. True, most of the characters are beautiful and well-to-do and American, yet first and foremost, they are human and their emotions are not unique to them in their time and place. These emotions are universal. I guess the title of the show is quite apt as it is really about “us”. “Us” being whoever is saying it.
The narrative structure of “This is Us” allows audiences to see and understand the development of the characters, why they act or behave the way they do, thru flashbacks, and this is one reason why there are no extremely good or bad character in this show — because the viewers, who are the ultimate judges of who is good or bad — are made to understand the present person by looking at how they evolved through the years of a variety of experiences with different people in different situations.
In reality this is how we become who we are. We are shaped by our experiences and the people we meet and influence us. This is why, ideally, the people who know us best are our family, especially our parents who have seen us grow. Unfortunately many people grow distant from their parents over the years, hence what parents knew to be their child is different from what their child has actually become. However However, there are children who remain very close to their discerning parents, and these are the ones who have the benefit of having somebody who can accept them for who they truly are. These parents are a witness to their children’s lives and can understand why the children have become such and can therefore accept them and love them unconditionally.
(Just like in “This is Us,” “GoT” also made viewers change their mind about a character, from hating him to loving him. Jaime Lannister was hateful before it was revealed how he sacrificed his name to save the realm.)
My point is this: if we could only know everything that has happened to a person that we know or know of, in the same way that we are getting to know the characters of “This is Us” with every flashback in each episode, then we probably wouldn’t be too hasty or even cruel in our judgment of them. We would probably even become forgiving because we understand what made them become such. We do not have to be their friend or be close to them, but we do not have to hate them either.
Now this brings me to Bran Stark. Bran has become the Three-eyed Raven, which means he now holds the knowledge of the past, present and future, and because he knows EVERYTHING, he understands everything. Bran never gets angry nor says angry words, not even to Little Finger. He may seem cold, emotion-less, but I think deep down, he understands and has compassion because he has seen and sees everything.
Then there’s Jesus. As he was dying on the cross, He said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” I am guessing he can forgive because being God, he is omniscient, all-knowing, and therefore he understands everything about us, poor human beings.
As the year comes to an end, I hope you find the energy, the patience to try to know people before you judge them.
Some things to ponder at the end of 2018:
1. What are some of the things you are grateful for in 2018?
2. What do you look forward to in 2019?
I hope you find many things to be grateful for and to look forward to! 🙏🏽💕
T.
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Inevitabilities
When I was in my early twenties, I truly understood the meaning of “everything has its end.” Both good and bad. Since then I have always been aware of how the happiness I may be feeling at one time, may turn into sadness any minute. As a result, I’ve learned to treasure happy times, and to look forward to the end of my troubles. This has worked quite well for me over the years.
Yet at that moment when I am going through a difficult time, it always seems as if the end is taking forever to come.
Like it is now.
Though I know I’ll be able to sincerely smile and laugh again, for now faking it will have to do. This is part of the process. Real happiness will come again, perhaps in a day or two, a week or two, a month or two. Or a year.
But for now, patience.
May you have patience to bear whatever burden you have on your shoulders today. 💕
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On Pure Love
This post on love made me think, again, on whether or not there is such a thing as “pure” love.
My students, I would say 99% of them, say that a child has to be grateful to their parents for not abandoning them when they were babies, and that parental love is the only example of selfless love in the world. That sounds nice and all, but I just cannot accept this kind of thinking (though I don’t really argue with them on what they have been taught by their teachers and parents.)
First of all, if a couple decided to give birth to a baby, that baby is their responsibility — morally and legally. Having that baby was their choice. They just cannot change their minds after the baby is born that it’s not the kind of baby they wanted. It’s not like a badly-cooked Kung Pao Chicken that they can refuse to eat or not pay for after having ordered it. Should a child be grateful for not being abandoned? It would be thoughtful of him to be so, but I do not see it as necessary. After all, he did not ask his parents for the “favor” of being brought into this world.
Second, parents decide to have children FOR A REASON. And there are a variety of reasons from the most romantic to the most practical:
1. they want to prove their love for each other
2. they want to contribute something to this world
3. they want to continue the family line
4. they want someone they can care for and love
5. they want someone to take care of their wealth when they die
6. they want to have someone look after them in their old age
7. they want someone to bury them when they die.
There may be many more reasons, but all of them stem from a couple’s or a parent’s inherent desire to fulfil something that they themselves want.
So how can that love be truly “pure”?
As a parent, I love my son. He is my world, the reason why I try to stay healthy and not die yet. But I cannot say that I love him selflessly because that would be a lie. I love him not only because I am responsible for bringing him into this world but also because he makes me happy.
I think we, humans, are simply incapable of pure love, no matter how we try to make ourselves believe that we are. I wonder if one day, science will be able to make that happen for us. Perhaps by that time being “human” already means something else.
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Week 10 Prompt: Juxtapositions (A Look at “First Reformed”)
There are a number of reasons to like this movie: for me， the first three would be Ethan Hawke, ETHAN Hawke and ETHAN HAWKE!!! And for my friend who recommended this movie, it’s Amanda Seyfried.
But if you are a huge fan of plot-driven films, this may not be your cup of tea. My friend thought this movie ran for 3 hours when it’s only less than 2 hours long.
The pacing is a little slow, even camera movements are predominantly slow. As I don’t have expertise in film, I can only say that as a viewer, I find the slowness a reflection of how Reverend Toller (Ethan Hawke) seems to be living his life — one day at a time, hardly any movement or willingness to move on.
Light and Darkness/Shadow
There are several shots of the very white and neat exterior of the First Reformed Church in broad daylight, and probably the same number of shots of the dark bedroom of Reverend Toller. Sometimes there’s only one candle lighting the whole room. To me this reinforces idea of the duality in his personality in how he presents himself to the outside world (one who has strong faith, knows how to deal with all kinds of people) and how he really feels and thinks about himself. He leads the service on Sundays, even though on his own, he says he is incapable of praying. (To me, though, his writing in his journal is an act of prayer.)
Hope and Despair
When Reverend Toller speaks with Michael, he speaks against despair. Ironically in the end, he fails to rescue Michael from that despair which turns out to be infectious as he, himself, tries to end his own life.
Mary, on the other hand, is the epitome of hope in her own quiet way — despite grieving the loss of her husband, she looks forward to having the baby that Michael had wanted her to abort.
Interior and Exterior
Reverend Toller on the outside, exemplifies calm and composure, just like the ultra neat and white exterior of the church, but inside he is full of turmoil and uncertainty. His soul probably needs as much cleansing as his broken toilet that needs unclogging. And that metaphor becomes literal when he tries to use the drain cleaner to kill himself.
This duality is quite common. How many people do you know whose actions have surprised you as they are “out of character”? With Reverend Toller, however, there is dramatic irony— the audience are amply prepared for his decision to end his life, but the people around him are not.
Perhaps the one idea from this film that I liked best is restraint. Reverend Toller’s attraction to Mary is developed quite subtly. At first he seems to be simply a very dedicated pastor helping out a parishioner. But one scene that made me certain he is falling for her is that of the two of them cycling and, as he writes in his journal, “I had not been on a bicycle, I think, in 20 years. I was afraid I would fall.” And he went to muse on the curative power of exercise. There is a look of pure joy on his face as they bike on the trail.
Spiritual, though not as religious as Esther, Mary brings out the spiritual in Reverend Toller. With her, he can pray with words and with his soul. Yet, he has to restrain himself in his attraction to her. This he is able to do for a while, but after Mary appears before him as he is about to drink the drain cleaner, that restraint finally gives way to full expression in an embrace and a long kiss. This last scene is my favorite part — the feeling of finally letting out what you have been holding in for a long time is more than liberating. It’s exhilarating.
For me, this movie is simply another reason to love Ethan Hawke.
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A Prayer for Elijah and Every Child with Special Needs
Dear God,
Thank you for blessing me with this wonderful creature that is my son, Elijah, whom I named after your great prophet, in the hope that he, too, would grow to be as faithful and as eloquent in spreading your word. Though, as yet, he has not been blessed with the gift of words, Elijah, just by being who and what he is, still succeeded in converting the ones closest to him from being self-absorbed and impatient individuals to ones with an almost impossible amount of selflessness and forbearance. Thank you for making him an instrument in bringing out the good in people around him.
I pray for Elijah and children like him who are special in their own special ways, that You grant them the ability to one day, live independently, and not wholly rely on other people for their daily needs.
I pray that one day, they will be able to express themselves without being frustrated at the inability of the people around them to understand whatever it is they want to express.
I pray that one day, they will be able to share what it is they sense that makes them smile that sweetest of smiles, what makes them laugh that most infectious laughter that seems to come out of nowhere.
But should this not be part of the plan, I pray that in Your mercy, you send them people who will love them for who and what they are, long after their parents are unable to look after them.
I pray that You bless them with loving individuals who will guide them in navigating the complexities of life in this sometimes cruel world.
I pray that despite all the troubles they may encounter in this life, they will always have that joy that only they, in their specialness, can find in their own world.
And may they always have it in their unblemished hearts and minds that life is beautiful and that it is worth living.
Finally, I thank You, dear God, for the people who have helped, continue to help and will help Elijah and every special child like him, live meaningful and happy lives.
May you bless them a hundred, a thousand fold for their kindness and dedication.
May they be grateful as I am for the opportunity of having such a special human being in our lives.
And may they praise You, like I do, for Your boundless generosity and mercy.
Amen.
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Week 9 Prompt: Insatiable
Insatiable
I met a man who lives in a cozy home
And doesn’t have to work
Because his family has enough money.
He’s lonely. And unhappy.
I met a woman who lives in a 3-story villa
With her two beautiful and smart children
And a moneyed husband who adores her.
But she says her life has no meaning
And she wants something more
Than just being mother and wife.
So she’s unhappy.
And the ones who labor day and night,
Careful not to waste a morsel of what’s on the table,
Can only think they’d be content and happy
If they had what these two have.
But…will they really?
Insatiable.
———-
In my life I have met so many unhappy people. Although I believe some of these people have no control over this feeling of unhappiness, most of them just choose not to be happy or content with what they have.
“’Yet let him keep the rest,
But keep them with repining restlessness;
Let him be rich and weary, that at least,
If goodness lead him not, yet weariness
May toss him to my breast.'”
— from The Pulley by George Herbert
It is perhaps human nature to be restless and to always want something more. But I think we CAN choose to be content and be grateful for what we have.
Hope you find something to be grateful for today!💕
T.
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Week 8 Prompt: Happiness
Happiness is…
Having the ability to look at the past and be grateful for it;
Living in the moment with the knowledge that it is not going to last;
Being hopeful for the future that the ones we leave behind will have better lives than the one we had.
Happiness is having faith that everything is going to be all right.
Have a happy week!💕
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Week 7 Prompt: Group
Hubby and I went out for an early morning walk and then went to the supermarket. It was quiet and there were varieties of fresh shellfish. Then I thought, these could be good subjects for a photograph!
And here they are!
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Week 6 Prompt: Flourish
After a week of intermittent rains, the mushrooms flourished on the lawns of our campus.
Jimei, Xiamen
Jimei, Xiamen
Jimei, Xiamen
—
Feel free to use the prompt for your own posts.
T. 💕
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Week 5 Prompt: Excruciate
Jimei, Xiamen
Thoughts on Life 