A week ago, one of my best friends who is dating someone new, asked me what kind of compliments women liked to hear. He had thought Iâd be flattered when he said my hair looked beautiful, but instead I simply answered, âI already know I have beautiful hair.â [insert wicked laughter]
But I did say that I donât think Iâd feel comfortable with hearing, âYou look beautifulâ because I know I never looked or even felt beautiful. And that is not being insecure or belittling myself. That is simply the truth. Other women would probably like to hear men tell them they’re beautiful. Everyone’s different.
My husband often tells me I am cute, and he has the same look on his face as a person who looks fondly at a puppy, when he says that to me. I guess I look like a pet to him. Itâs not romantic, but itâs good enough for me.
When I asked my friend what compliment he would prefer this new woman to say to him, he said he would indubitably choose to hear that he is âhotâ except that nobody has ever said that to him [he gets âhandsomeâ too many times; it has no effect on him.]
Then I thought to myself, perhaps all men feel like this â they prefer to be seen as sexually attractive rather than just aesthetically attractive. My curiosity led me to ask around 90 people, co-workers, students (current and former) and some Facebook friends (I know and have met every single person I have as friend on Facebook) from 14 to 65 years old the question (with a slight variation from the original one)
Which (compliment) would you prefer to hear from a person of the opposite sex:
a. you look cute
b. you look great
c. you look beautiful/handsome
d. you look hot
(A few of my friends clarified that they would only expect it from a person with whom they are quite familiar.)
The answers I got were quite revealing. Majority of Chinese girls (19-25) and Filipino teenagers (boys and girls) prefer to be perceived as âcute.â Even my 16-year-old nephew picked âcute,â which I truly doubt! I had asked him the question in a group chat with him and my sisters (his mom included!) I am quite certain he wasn’t being honest!
Most of my male friends (except the ones Iâm quite familiar with) chose âyou look great.â When I asked them why they chose b, they said it is âall-encompassing.â One friend said he is too realistic and too old to desire to be called âhotâ but if he were 25, then âhotâ it would definitely be. Only very few of my male friends, 7 in fact (my 3 best friends and 4 other men Iâve known for years and have always been pretty transparent about their lives with me) admitted they prefer to be called âhot.”
Most of my female friends (ages 30-50) picked âyou look greatâ or âyou look beautiful.â Just like the men, they said âyou look greatâ covers everything. But one friend said, âyou look greatâ is boring! She and 6 other female friends (hey, just realized thatâs 7 men and 7 women! Dang!) picked âyou look hot.â These are women in their mid-40s to 50âs.
My one friend who is in her 30âs and has always been considered âhotâ by everyone we know, picked âyou look beautiful.â When I asked her why she didnât choose d, she said she hears it too often that she just wants to be seen for what she is inside, spiritually, (not just inside her clothes). Hmm. I wonder what it’s like to be always told “you look hot!”
Only one friend, my classmate in high school, whom I havenât seen in 20 years, gave me an answer that Iâm sure 99% of my friends would have chosen had it been one of the choices. He said he would pick âeâ that says: Iâll give you lots of money!
Note: majority of my friends are Asian. I am sure the results would be different if I included more non-Asians!
Which would you pick?
Have a fun weekend!đ
T.