Time and Memories

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I checked the date today and realized I had only been back from home for a week. It feels like I had not been home for a month and missing my son so bad.

Is it time that plays tricks on us, or is it our brain?

Sometimes a memory comes into mind, and I would feel it happened just yesterday. Other times I would feel it happened a lifetime ago.

Sometimes I wish I could relive a memory, not just recall it. Like how my son as a toddler, looked at and listened to me when I sang to him, as if I was the most entertaining person in the world, and he was my number 1 fan. Or how he would stop playing and run to me to hug me while I was busy in the kitchen.

Other memories I just want to erase, the same way you highlight a text you’re typing (Ctrl-A) and then press delete. Save. That quickly. But the irony is, the more you want to forget something, the more it rankles in your mind. Memories like these are hard to forget. Is there ever a way to forget?

 

T.

 

 

Of sunsets and wasted time: A Haiku

Xiamen sunset

Sun sets yet again

Another day sees its end.

Time — how did you spend?

——

Hope you do something meaningful today.

Happy weekend! đź’•

T.

Inevitabilities

When I was in my early twenties, I truly understood the meaning of “everything has its end.” Both good and bad. Since then I have always been aware of how the happiness I may be feeling at one time, may turn into sadness any minute. As a result, I’ve learned to treasure happy times, and to look forward to the end of my troubles. This has worked quite well for me over the years.

Yet at that moment when I am going through a difficult time, it always seems as if the end is taking forever to come.

Like it is now.

Though I know I’ll be able to sincerely smile and laugh again, for now faking it will have to do. This is part of the process. Real happiness will come again, perhaps in a day or two, a week or two, a month or two. Or a year.

But for now, patience.

May you have patience to bear whatever burden you have on your shoulders today. đź’•

Empty

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I dreamt of this time for years now.
Being alone.
Not rushing.
A whole day
To think,
To write.

And now I have this much time
But somehow I can’t think
And the words won’t come out.
I can only feel
Your absence
As I walk alone
Leisurely.

What do I do with this much time
In my hands?

It’s only been three days
But it feels like ages
Since I kissed your soft, little cheek
And inhaled the baby scent from your hair
As you peacefully lay asleep
Unaware that when you woke
Mommy would have been gone.

But I will see you again
I promise.

Because I can’t go on for long
Feeling the emptiness
In that corner of my heart
That only you can fill.

 

 

Like you used to

missing miming 1

For my Miming

Today I read something that made me laugh
And I thought of you, and for a second,
I thought of picking up the phone
To tell you the story,
And hear you laugh
Like you used to.

But then I remembered
That I had already said my goodbyes
That I won’t ever hear your voice again
Nor ever see your eyes disappear
As you laugh at my silliness,
Like you used to.

You’re no longer here.
That’s something
I have to get used to.