Mother’s Day without Mom

momsday

They say the dead don’t see nor hear
But I don’t know for sure
I just wish you could…

See that I need you
To hug me like you did
When I needed a hug
Just because…

Hear me wish for you
To come and comfort me
As life gets a little too much
And I feel …tired.

I still keep wishing
You were just a phone call away
That I could still tell you
What’s making me sad,

And you’d reassure me
That everything’s going to be all right
And that you pray for me
Every single night.

When I was a child,
I couldn’t wait to grow up
But now that I have
I sometimes wish

I could run into your arms again
And close my eyes
As I bury my face into your neck
And smell your scent of talcum powder,

As you theatrically sing and sway
Making the sadness go away,
Turning it into giggles
And then rambunctious laughter.

Mother, how I wish
I could just be
Your little child again.

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On Age, Music and Chemicals in the Brain

music

A few days ago, I came across this interesting post on serotonin and dopamine and was reminded of it yesterday as I was listening to the songs of Barry Manilow. (OK. Please. Just be patient with me. I do have a point I want to share.)

When I was younger (“…so much younger than today…”) whenever I heard Barry Manilow’s songs, I would sing along until I cried (Yeah, I was that disgustingly dramatic.) I would think of the guys that I liked but didn’t even know I existed, or the guys that I liked but were not free, or the only one that broke my heart to pieces. (Who would not cry listening to “Even Now” and “Somewhere down the Road”???)

Now that I’m in my 40’s and in a stable, loving relationship with my husband of 10 years, and together raising a child, I feel absolutely nothing when I hear the songs that used to make me cry and later make me smile. When I listened to those same songs yesterday, there was not even a sigh. Nada. It seemed like that part of my mind or my heart just disappeared!

My husband thinks it’s just because I’m over that time in my life. Well, I have been over that period in my life for years now. But I used to have fond memories of that time. Now, even that fondness is gone.

So I wonder if those chemicals in my brain are up to something, or I am just getting old or already old.

Do old songs still make you cry or smile or angry? Do they have any effect on you at all?